Apart from my immediate family, the rest of the family I don't consider myself to bond with all that well. I get on with them, and I still love them, but I am very different to them and as a child was so shy that I'd barely speak to any of them. There was one exception though, and that was my Grandad on Dads side. He died about eight years ago now, but it really doesn't seem that long.
He'd had a stroke and was taken to hospital. That was the last time I saw him. He hated it there, and one night he had gotten up to try to escape, but he fell over and hit his head. A nurse attended him by putting a plaster on his head, but didn't report it in an incident book, and didn't check for concussion. That night he died. After the postmortem it was revealed that it's very likely concussion was the cause of death.
Quite a few people attended the funeral which was at his local church, but it was only Dad and myself who went with the coffin to the crematorium. It was a very strange feeling there. I didn't cry at the church or crematorium, as I find it very hard to cry.
I certainly felt a stronger bond between Dad and myself, and I did like the fact that it was just us two who saw him off properly. I know Dad was very upset, and it was a strange feeling knowing that after all the years, it was now me who was there for him.
I have to admit, I was still often very shy around Grandad, but I did look up to him a lot. Mainly because he was totally bonkers. He would sit in a corner smoking a pipe and not really say much, but when he did talk, he'd pretend to be stupid for laughs, which always worked.
He had some odd ways, and in later life the main thing he'd eat would be Jam sandwiches while he sat and watched 'Home and Away'.
Although he's dead, and I don't believe in an afterlife, I like to think that he still lives on through me in a way. I guess I am now the nutty one in the family, and now that my confidence has grown, they all seem to be aware of that. He was always one for the ladies as well as being silly. I think I've certainly taken on some of his traits though, which although others may not, I consider to be a good thing.
I do miss Grandad, and I do wish I'd spoken to him more and gotten to know him better. It was very rare I saw a serious side to him, although I know there must have been. I know he was at the battle of Dunkirk, and then went off to Burma to fight against the Japanese. He never spoke about it though.
I hope he knew that he was someone I looked up to. I never really showed that I did though, but I know Grandma now knows that I did, which I guess is a good thing.
Thursday, 21 April 2011
Sunday, 27 March 2011
Spike and Toffee
We've never been a family to have had many pets. There was of course the fish which I accidently killed. Then there was also Tigger the cat, but she had to be given to my Grandma a couple of years after I was born, as Mum became allergic to her.
The only other pet we had was a Hamster we named Toffee due to being a toffee like colour. Toffee was a great pet who was easy to look after. We were often unsure of the sex, but after noticing two large lumps on his back one day, we took him to the vet. That was when we realised they were just his testicles and there was nothing wrong with him.
Toffee did live quite a long life for a hamster, I think it was a good three to four years. I have to admit that I was useless at handling him, I'm useless with animals and always worried he'd bite me. Howeve I don't think he ever bit anyone, he was a very nervous hamster and just wee'd all the time.
We got him one of those hamster balls so that he could walk around the house in it. The problem was that he was shit scared of it. Whenever we tried to put him in it, he'd shake uncontrollably and wee himself.
I don't think Toffee ever really got the hang of the wheel in his cage either. He wouldn't sit inside it and then run, he would climb up the side of the cage, hang on and spin the top of the wheel with his front paw. It was pretty damn impressive to watch.
I'll always remember the day that Toffee died. It was on a Christmas Eve. Charlottes web was on tv, and I'd gone to feed Toffee and change his water. I knew instantly he was dead, I'm not sure why I knew, but I just had a feeling. A few hours later Mum thought it was odd that he'd not made any noise, and his food hadn't been touched, that's when we knew for sure he was dead.
So, being winter and very cold and frozen outside, Dad got a pick axe out to dig a hole for Toffee and then burried him. Mum was in floods of tears and really upset over Toffee dying. Claire and myself, we weren't really all that bothered which I think really annoyed Mum, I think she felt we should have been more upset. We were then banned from having any more pets.
The only other pet we had was a Hamster we named Toffee due to being a toffee like colour. Toffee was a great pet who was easy to look after. We were often unsure of the sex, but after noticing two large lumps on his back one day, we took him to the vet. That was when we realised they were just his testicles and there was nothing wrong with him.
Toffee did live quite a long life for a hamster, I think it was a good three to four years. I have to admit that I was useless at handling him, I'm useless with animals and always worried he'd bite me. Howeve I don't think he ever bit anyone, he was a very nervous hamster and just wee'd all the time.
We got him one of those hamster balls so that he could walk around the house in it. The problem was that he was shit scared of it. Whenever we tried to put him in it, he'd shake uncontrollably and wee himself.
I don't think Toffee ever really got the hang of the wheel in his cage either. He wouldn't sit inside it and then run, he would climb up the side of the cage, hang on and spin the top of the wheel with his front paw. It was pretty damn impressive to watch.
I'll always remember the day that Toffee died. It was on a Christmas Eve. Charlottes web was on tv, and I'd gone to feed Toffee and change his water. I knew instantly he was dead, I'm not sure why I knew, but I just had a feeling. A few hours later Mum thought it was odd that he'd not made any noise, and his food hadn't been touched, that's when we knew for sure he was dead.
So, being winter and very cold and frozen outside, Dad got a pick axe out to dig a hole for Toffee and then burried him. Mum was in floods of tears and really upset over Toffee dying. Claire and myself, we weren't really all that bothered which I think really annoyed Mum, I think she felt we should have been more upset. We were then banned from having any more pets.
Monday, 21 March 2011
Spike spends time in a shed
As I hated secondary school so much, I'd often skive quite a lot. Now this wasn't an easy task as our form tutor was quite strict when it came to absence, and a note from a parent was always needed after returning to school.
Well, when I was actually ill, or feigned being ill, my mum would of course write me a note. Quite often she would write one, but then the next day I'd still be unwell, so she'd then write me another to explain why I'd be absent for more than one day. When this happened, I'd keep the first note hidden in a drawer so that I could use it at a later date.
So over the years I aquired several spare notes which I'd use to explain my absense when I had skived school. There was however one other problem. Sometimes my mum would pop home from work at lunchtimes to drop off some shopping or hang out some washing. Therefore it wasn't safe for me to stay inside the house all day, so I needed to find somewhere to hide during lunch hours.
The best place I could think of was the garden shed, although there was still a worry she'd spot the door unlocked if she was hanging out washing. So I figured out a way to get into the shed with the door still locked.
I'd unlock the door, walk inside the shed and open the side window. Then I'd come back out of the shed, lock the door and then climb through the tiny window into the shed. I'd then sit in there between 12pm and 2pm until I knew it was safe to climb back out of the window and go back into the house.
I didn't really do anything in the shed, I just used to sit there thinking, and it was often quite uncomfortable and sometimes cold depending on the time of year. I guess this sorta shows how much I hated school, that I'd be prepared to sit in a shed for two hours.
Anyway it always worked a treat and I was never discovered.
Well, when I was actually ill, or feigned being ill, my mum would of course write me a note. Quite often she would write one, but then the next day I'd still be unwell, so she'd then write me another to explain why I'd be absent for more than one day. When this happened, I'd keep the first note hidden in a drawer so that I could use it at a later date.
So over the years I aquired several spare notes which I'd use to explain my absense when I had skived school. There was however one other problem. Sometimes my mum would pop home from work at lunchtimes to drop off some shopping or hang out some washing. Therefore it wasn't safe for me to stay inside the house all day, so I needed to find somewhere to hide during lunch hours.
The best place I could think of was the garden shed, although there was still a worry she'd spot the door unlocked if she was hanging out washing. So I figured out a way to get into the shed with the door still locked.
I'd unlock the door, walk inside the shed and open the side window. Then I'd come back out of the shed, lock the door and then climb through the tiny window into the shed. I'd then sit in there between 12pm and 2pm until I knew it was safe to climb back out of the window and go back into the house.
I didn't really do anything in the shed, I just used to sit there thinking, and it was often quite uncomfortable and sometimes cold depending on the time of year. I guess this sorta shows how much I hated school, that I'd be prepared to sit in a shed for two hours.
Anyway it always worked a treat and I was never discovered.
Sunday, 20 March 2011
Spike and a rainy day
I have lots of memories of my childhood. At a guess I'd say my earliest memories are from around the age of three years of age when I used to go to a mothers and todlers group along with Dave. I do also have memories of being pushed in a buggy, but I'm not sure how old I was then.
Anyway, there is one random memory that has stuck with me, and it surprises me that it's stuck with me, as it was just a random day where nothing all that important happened.
I'd guess I was about five at the time, but it's a memory I do enjoy looking back on from time to time, as it makes me wish I was a kid again.
Claire and myself were normally looked after by childminders after school, due to Mum and Dad both working full time, but on this day Mum had the day off.
It was pooring down with rain and we were in the town centre where we'd met up with Debra. I remember we were all soaking wet and running through puddles to get to shelter.
Mum then took me into the toy shop we always used to go to and said I could have a Star Wars toy. The figures used to be lined up above the counter, and I looked at them trying to decide which one to pick. I almost picked a green pig guard, which I'd always wanted, but then I spotted Darth Vader, so I remember saying 'I want the black one'. I don't think I was too sure how to pronounce his name at the time.
The old man working in the shop got it down for me and Mum paid him.
We then left the shop, said goodbye to Debra and made our way home.
When we got in, we took off our socks which were soaking wet and put them infront of the fire to dry them. This all happened while watching the Sooty show on TV.
That's all the memory, but I remember quite a few details from the day. I think mainly because it was a good day, as Mum had the day off and I got a Darth Vader figure. Also I remember how snug I felt when we got home warming ourselves by the fire. It's like the feeling you get when you hear the rain on the window and you're inside safe and dry.
Anyway, there is one random memory that has stuck with me, and it surprises me that it's stuck with me, as it was just a random day where nothing all that important happened.
I'd guess I was about five at the time, but it's a memory I do enjoy looking back on from time to time, as it makes me wish I was a kid again.
Claire and myself were normally looked after by childminders after school, due to Mum and Dad both working full time, but on this day Mum had the day off.
It was pooring down with rain and we were in the town centre where we'd met up with Debra. I remember we were all soaking wet and running through puddles to get to shelter.
Mum then took me into the toy shop we always used to go to and said I could have a Star Wars toy. The figures used to be lined up above the counter, and I looked at them trying to decide which one to pick. I almost picked a green pig guard, which I'd always wanted, but then I spotted Darth Vader, so I remember saying 'I want the black one'. I don't think I was too sure how to pronounce his name at the time.
The old man working in the shop got it down for me and Mum paid him.
We then left the shop, said goodbye to Debra and made our way home.
When we got in, we took off our socks which were soaking wet and put them infront of the fire to dry them. This all happened while watching the Sooty show on TV.
That's all the memory, but I remember quite a few details from the day. I think mainly because it was a good day, as Mum had the day off and I got a Darth Vader figure. Also I remember how snug I felt when we got home warming ourselves by the fire. It's like the feeling you get when you hear the rain on the window and you're inside safe and dry.
Wednesday, 16 March 2011
Spike and the urinating tree
I believe that I was in the second year of junior school when we took a school trip to a local church. We went there to do rubbings of grave stones with paper and a wax crayon. Thinking about it now, it was quite a morbid activity for eight year olds, especially as some of the graves weren't all that old.
To this day I can still not explain exactly what caused it, but at the time I believed that it was a squirrel taking a piss.
Basically, there was a tree outside the church, and a few of us noticed that water started to come out of a hole in the middle of tree. I think even if I saw the same thing happen at the age I am now I'd be amazed. The water wasn't drizzling out, but squirting out quite far. Then it stopped.
We then found some small stones and began throwing them into the hole, and once again the water started squirting out. We were convinced that it was a squirrel in the hole, and when we threw a stone, it'd wee. I honestly don't think it was a squirrel now, but I have no idea how a jet of water could squirt out of the tree the way it did. I just remember being in hysterics at the time, as well as befuddlesd.
I have passed the tree many times since, and have thrown stones into the hole, but unfortunatly the squirrel who was taking a piss must have moved trees.
To this day I can still not explain exactly what caused it, but at the time I believed that it was a squirrel taking a piss.
Basically, there was a tree outside the church, and a few of us noticed that water started to come out of a hole in the middle of tree. I think even if I saw the same thing happen at the age I am now I'd be amazed. The water wasn't drizzling out, but squirting out quite far. Then it stopped.
We then found some small stones and began throwing them into the hole, and once again the water started squirting out. We were convinced that it was a squirrel in the hole, and when we threw a stone, it'd wee. I honestly don't think it was a squirrel now, but I have no idea how a jet of water could squirt out of the tree the way it did. I just remember being in hysterics at the time, as well as befuddlesd.
I have passed the tree many times since, and have thrown stones into the hole, but unfortunatly the squirrel who was taking a piss must have moved trees.
Monday, 14 March 2011
Spike is caught red handed
I imagine most people reading this won't find this very funny. I guess it was a case of having to have been there to appreciate the funnyness of this story.
I was in my third year of junior school and being taught by Mrs Taylor at the time, who was actually kinda hot. Anyway, we were doing some sort of art activity, possibly painting a poster or something, but it really wasn't all that interesting.
Dave was sat next to me and he was always a bad influence on me, and I'm fairly sure it was him who started it, but we began to paint our hands red with the paint. We must have been at it for a good ten minutes and each of us had a hand totally painted red. Mrs taylor then came over and began to shout at us, which made all the rest of the class look round to see what we'd been up to.
A fellow class mate then shouted out 'I guess you could say you've caught them red handed!'. This then lead to much laughter from the rest of the class and Mrs Taylor herself. We were then told to go into the toilets to wash it off and get back to work.
I'm not entirely sure how to end this post as the story is very short and I can't think of any sort of witty line to end it with.
I was in my third year of junior school and being taught by Mrs Taylor at the time, who was actually kinda hot. Anyway, we were doing some sort of art activity, possibly painting a poster or something, but it really wasn't all that interesting.
Dave was sat next to me and he was always a bad influence on me, and I'm fairly sure it was him who started it, but we began to paint our hands red with the paint. We must have been at it for a good ten minutes and each of us had a hand totally painted red. Mrs taylor then came over and began to shout at us, which made all the rest of the class look round to see what we'd been up to.
A fellow class mate then shouted out 'I guess you could say you've caught them red handed!'. This then lead to much laughter from the rest of the class and Mrs Taylor herself. We were then told to go into the toilets to wash it off and get back to work.
I'm not entirely sure how to end this post as the story is very short and I can't think of any sort of witty line to end it with.
Friday, 11 March 2011
Spikes memorable dates
I've not really been on that many dates with women, but the ones I have been on have all been fairly memorable. So I thought I'd list a few of my memorable first dates on here and what happened on them.
Obviously there was the time I met up with crazy Emma, which I guess could be classed as a date even though I took her to Pages Bar along with my mates. But I have already covered that story in an earlier entry.
Most of my dates used to be from chatting to someone online first. One girl I met up with in London one weekend. I honestly don't remember her name name, but so that I can describe the events better we'll call her 'Gertrude'.
As I love Hyde Park so much and it was summer, I decided to take Gertrude to Hyde Park, but this was a very very hot day. I don't think she was all that amazed by the park so I suggested a nearby pub we could go to. The thing is, I'm used to walking a lot and this pub was a good fifteen minutes walk. We walked across the park to the pub and I could see she wasn't used to walking very far as I remember she kept asking how much further it was.
We finally got to the pub, I bought her a drink and we found a nice secluded booth to sit and chat in. After about ten minutes she said she wasn't feeling too well, and I was thinking 'typical, she's not enjoying my company and is going to feign being ill so she can escape.'.
She then asked where the toilets were, and I directed her to them. Then a few minutes later she came back, pretty much fainted and puked all over the table. It definitely wasn't the alcohol as she'd only had a few sips of it, so it must have been the walking and the heat. Anyway I then made sure she was ok, got her some water and got her to lay down on the seat in the booth while I got a cloth and cleaned up the puke.
Surprisingly the date went really well after that. She continued laying down to recover and we chatted and seemed to get on really well. After leaving the pub we went back to the park and we kissed a lot, which is pretty gross thinking about it now as she probably still had remains of puke stuck to her teeth.
I met up with her again a couple of times afterwards, but there really wasn't anything there, so we then just lost touch.
The first girl I met off the internet was a girl called Sarah. She never had a picture but described herself as slim, dark hair and very sexy, so I thought I was in for meeting up with a definite stunner.
As it was my first date with someone from the internet I took Trigger along with me, and she invited a friend of hers.
We'd arranged to meet by Tottenham Court Road tube station, and I remember my horror when I saw her. She was far from slim and sexy, but she'd seen me and I couldn't back out.
It was Trigger who chatted to her first as I was shit scared, but I did try to make a bit of an effort. She suggested heading to The Intrepid Fox, the original one on Wardour St which I never liked, I much prefer the new one under Centre Point.
Anyway as well as feeling quite uncomfortable in this pub, Trigger and myself were stuck with two scary women. I was half expecting Sarahs head to spin around 360 degrees like in The Exorcist and to tell my mother sucks cocks in hell. She also claimed she'd slept with Marilyn Manson, which I'm not entirely sure I believe. Anyway I knew we had to get out of there, so Trigger pretended he wasn't feeling too well and we left.
I then tried to avoid contacting her, but I started receiving withheld phonecalls from a girl in a croaky evil style voice saying 'I'm going to kill you'. I'm positive it was her.
The last time I heard from her she told me she was in The Red Lion in Stevenage (which scared me as I go there a lot), and was definitely going to pull a guy called Colin who drinks there. Well the odd thing is that Colin is pretty much my brother in law, so she really was full of it.
Faith was an interesting first date. I remember meeting her straight after work and took her to Ben Crouch's. I had intended to get my last train home that night as I had work the next day, but the date went well. We ended up staying out for hours, and then going to O'Neils until kicking out time. After that we wandered the streets of London then tried to sneak into Hyde Park but were worried we'd be caught by the night patrol men in there.
We eventually ended up in Knightsbridge about 4am and were both quite horny, so I suggested going back to my place. We flagged down a cab and he said it'd be at least £100 back to Stevenage. However as I'm 'Spike', I talked him down and he agreed to only charging us £50, to which Faith paid most of the money, bonus!
I met up with her a couple of times after that, but yet again it didn't really go anywhere. But I still love the fact that I have been with a girl named Faith.
There have been other dates I could list, but they are a bit boring, and some I'm not sure could really be classed as dates as they have been more a case of inviting a girl out to some event where my mates are also at. As well as Crazy Emma, there was Boring Emma, but as the name suggests there isn't much I can write about her.
On the whole I think the worst date was with Psycho Sarah, but all my other first dates always seem to go pretty well, its the follow up dates which seem to bomb, I'm just never sure why. Hopefully the next girl I get to take out will be different. Watch this space!
Obviously there was the time I met up with crazy Emma, which I guess could be classed as a date even though I took her to Pages Bar along with my mates. But I have already covered that story in an earlier entry.
Most of my dates used to be from chatting to someone online first. One girl I met up with in London one weekend. I honestly don't remember her name name, but so that I can describe the events better we'll call her 'Gertrude'.
As I love Hyde Park so much and it was summer, I decided to take Gertrude to Hyde Park, but this was a very very hot day. I don't think she was all that amazed by the park so I suggested a nearby pub we could go to. The thing is, I'm used to walking a lot and this pub was a good fifteen minutes walk. We walked across the park to the pub and I could see she wasn't used to walking very far as I remember she kept asking how much further it was.
We finally got to the pub, I bought her a drink and we found a nice secluded booth to sit and chat in. After about ten minutes she said she wasn't feeling too well, and I was thinking 'typical, she's not enjoying my company and is going to feign being ill so she can escape.'.
She then asked where the toilets were, and I directed her to them. Then a few minutes later she came back, pretty much fainted and puked all over the table. It definitely wasn't the alcohol as she'd only had a few sips of it, so it must have been the walking and the heat. Anyway I then made sure she was ok, got her some water and got her to lay down on the seat in the booth while I got a cloth and cleaned up the puke.
Surprisingly the date went really well after that. She continued laying down to recover and we chatted and seemed to get on really well. After leaving the pub we went back to the park and we kissed a lot, which is pretty gross thinking about it now as she probably still had remains of puke stuck to her teeth.
I met up with her again a couple of times afterwards, but there really wasn't anything there, so we then just lost touch.
The first girl I met off the internet was a girl called Sarah. She never had a picture but described herself as slim, dark hair and very sexy, so I thought I was in for meeting up with a definite stunner.
As it was my first date with someone from the internet I took Trigger along with me, and she invited a friend of hers.
We'd arranged to meet by Tottenham Court Road tube station, and I remember my horror when I saw her. She was far from slim and sexy, but she'd seen me and I couldn't back out.
It was Trigger who chatted to her first as I was shit scared, but I did try to make a bit of an effort. She suggested heading to The Intrepid Fox, the original one on Wardour St which I never liked, I much prefer the new one under Centre Point.
Anyway as well as feeling quite uncomfortable in this pub, Trigger and myself were stuck with two scary women. I was half expecting Sarahs head to spin around 360 degrees like in The Exorcist and to tell my mother sucks cocks in hell. She also claimed she'd slept with Marilyn Manson, which I'm not entirely sure I believe. Anyway I knew we had to get out of there, so Trigger pretended he wasn't feeling too well and we left.
I then tried to avoid contacting her, but I started receiving withheld phonecalls from a girl in a croaky evil style voice saying 'I'm going to kill you'. I'm positive it was her.
The last time I heard from her she told me she was in The Red Lion in Stevenage (which scared me as I go there a lot), and was definitely going to pull a guy called Colin who drinks there. Well the odd thing is that Colin is pretty much my brother in law, so she really was full of it.
Faith was an interesting first date. I remember meeting her straight after work and took her to Ben Crouch's. I had intended to get my last train home that night as I had work the next day, but the date went well. We ended up staying out for hours, and then going to O'Neils until kicking out time. After that we wandered the streets of London then tried to sneak into Hyde Park but were worried we'd be caught by the night patrol men in there.
We eventually ended up in Knightsbridge about 4am and were both quite horny, so I suggested going back to my place. We flagged down a cab and he said it'd be at least £100 back to Stevenage. However as I'm 'Spike', I talked him down and he agreed to only charging us £50, to which Faith paid most of the money, bonus!
I met up with her a couple of times after that, but yet again it didn't really go anywhere. But I still love the fact that I have been with a girl named Faith.
There have been other dates I could list, but they are a bit boring, and some I'm not sure could really be classed as dates as they have been more a case of inviting a girl out to some event where my mates are also at. As well as Crazy Emma, there was Boring Emma, but as the name suggests there isn't much I can write about her.
On the whole I think the worst date was with Psycho Sarah, but all my other first dates always seem to go pretty well, its the follow up dates which seem to bomb, I'm just never sure why. Hopefully the next girl I get to take out will be different. Watch this space!
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