I don't suppose the title of this entry leaves much to the imagination, and it's obvious what this story will be about. However there is quite a lot to say about the incident, which i hope will make it an entertaining read.
Quite a few years ago Sam had some Limp Bizkit tickets which were free when they played Finsbury Park. I'm not a big fan of them, but I wanted to go along because I suspected Hyde Park girl would be there. As it turns out, she wasn't, so there wasn't much point in me going.
Anyway, I spent a few hours there as quite a few of the Nos night crowd were there. However something happened that afternoon which had quite serious repercussions.
Yvonne and myself were messing about, I'm not even sure what it was about, but I then jokingly threatened to throw my beer over her. I never would, because, well I just wouldn't throw a drink over someone. She then kicked me square in the bollocks. I have been punched and even kicked there before, and this time was no different. It was as painful as it always is, but then after a minute or so, the pain goes and you're ok.
I decided to go a little while after that. Not because I was in pain or anything, but I wasn't bothered about seeing Limp Bizkitm and there was a house party back in Stevenage I wanted to go to.
When I got home, I went for a piss and noticed one of my testicles was looking bigger than usual and quite red. I was natually quite worried by this, so i got some ice and tried to reduce the swelling. It didn't do much to help and I was late for the party so I left it.
The next morning is where things got bad. I must have been in some discomfort when i woke up. I'm not sure if it was the pain I felt first, or the image of a big purple testicle. But i was now seriously freaking out. My cousin had an incident as a child where he twisted a testicle and had to have it removed, so seeing what mine looked like, all sorts of fears were running through my head.
I knew that I needed to talk to Dad, but he had gone out somewhere, and Mum was the only one home. I told her I needed to talk to Dad, and she tried to clal him, but he'd left his phone at home.
Mum was now very worried and wanted to know what was up. She kept asking, and I didn't want to say, and then I was actually almost in tears. She asked if I'd got a girl pregnant, to which I said 'no', and then she said something I honestly could not believe, but actually made me laugh. She didn't even ask... she said 'You've killed someone!'. I then had to tell her what had happened, and a few minutes after that Dad walked in. I showed him and he took me straight to the hospital.
This is where things got embarrassing. I had to tell the receptionist what was wrong with me, and tried to say so quietly so other patients didn't hear, but I'm sure several must have. It was also embarrassing because people probably wondered why i was kicked there. Did they suspect I'd tried to rape someone or something?
Then it was a whole day spent in the hospital waiting. The first doctor I saw was a GP and he checked it out, which also hurt somewhat. He said that there was probably very little to worry about and that it's jsut badly bruised and the testicle didn't move in on itself quick enough and was therefore bruised.
A bit later, and two other doctors came to see me. I'm guessing one or possibly both of them were junior doctors as they didn't seem to know so much. One even said to me that it's possible the testicle had died, and if that was the case, it'd just shrivel up and could be left there. This did not fill me with confidence, and made me worry a lot more. I certainly don't think he should even have said that.
A little while later I saw another doctor. Now this doctor scared the hell out of me. The reason he scared me is because he was the spitting image of soemone I know. This person I know looks a bit like a serial killer and is very odd, although still a nice guy. Anyway, seeing his face made me think 'oh my god it's Brian!'. He also examined me, and I honestly have to say that I have never been in so much pain when he did. He bascially prodded around my testicles, and to start with it was very painful, but I kept my mouth tightly shut. Then there was a point he did something and I had to scream out, echoing across the entire ward. I remember seeing Dad wincing in pain after that too.
So after having had several Doctors and Nurses checking me out, finally a doctor from the Urology department was free to come and check me out. We'd been there about seven hours by this point, waiting on this guy to turn up. He checked me over and confirmed what the GP had said and that it should be ok. He was tempted to keep me in overnight, but I wanted to go home. I got given painkillers and a jock strap to keep it supported and was told to come back the next day.
The next day I had to have a scan. It was the same scan machine they use on pregnant women, except it was used on my testicles, which was very odd. So, yet more people seeing my testicles, but they confirmed that it was healthy in there, just badly bruised.
I had to take a few weeks off work, because I couldn't walk. It was very painful, and trying to sleep was very difficult indeed. As the weeks went by the swelling went down, and the colour gradually became less purple (althoguh at one point it had gone almost completely black).
To this day I still don't think I've ever been in that much pain, or as embarrassed. I showed a picture of it to several people, as I wasn't as embarrassed about that. In the end I think going through the pain i did, i really didn't care who'd seen or touched it. As stated earlier though, the fact that people must think I'd done something to have been kicked in the testicles is what I found the most embarrassing.
