One of my dads oldest friend is a woman named Lynn. She used to be married to one of his best friends from College, but they split up and my dad kept in contact with Lynn rather than her husband.
Since we were quite young we'd often meet up with Lynn and her daughter Sophie, as well as whoever lynn was dating at the time, which have been a couple of different guys over the years.
When we met up we'd often go out for a meal somewhere, such as a Beafeater or Harvester. There was one occasion when we were at a Harvester which had an animatronic Worzel Gummidge and Aunt Sally. I think Sophie, Claire and myself were trying to look up her dress, but as we attempted to do so Worzels Arm fell off, which at the time was hillarious, and thinking about it now I still find it to be so. I think you'd have to have been there to truly appreciate the humour of the situation.
I think the one meal that stands out the most with Lynn, Sophie and I think Adrian was Lynns partner at the time, was at a Beafeater in Cambridge.
We were sat on a big round table when Claire noticed someone she recognised on a table next to us. It was the famous singer Dina Carroll, who at that time was reasonably famous still and still had songs in the charts. What an earth she was doing in a Beafeater I don't know, but it was with either her boyfriend or possibly a date I'm not too sure.
Anyway, as we'd noticed her, there was lots of whispering going on trying to work out if it was actually her. This also involved getting the waitress involved and pointing over to Dina's table. However the nearest person on our table sat next to Dina was my dad, and the waitress had assumed we were pointing to him for some reason.
Ten minutes later the other waitresses came out along with our one, and they had a cake with them and a lit candle in it, singing happy birthday to my dad. The waitress had assumed we were trying to tell her it was my dads birthday. We then of course had to act as if it was, so the rest of us on the table decided to join in singing 'Happy Birthday', whilst also laughing like complete nutters.
When Dina was alone at her table Claire then went up and asked her very nicely for an autograph, which she did of course give to her. Sophie was then a little upset she didn't get one, so my dad leaned over and started chatting to Dina to get Sophie one too. This was definitely the most embarassing part of the whole meal, as my dad was then telling her how he often played her records due to him being a DJ, and lots of other random things.
Anyway, I think it has to be said that although I didn't speak to her directly (being a shy quiet kid at the time), Dina Carroll is certainly one of the nicest celebrities I've ever encountered, she was really nice and chatty. It's a shame she's still not making any records, well none that I'm aware of.
Monday 28 February 2011
Thursday 24 February 2011
Spike and a family death.
I've not put any serious stories on here so far, and have been considering doing so for a while, and after this one I will do some more. I think the funny and silly stories are much more entertaining, but this was kind of a big event that happened in my life.
This is about the death of my uncle Barry who was my mums sisters husband, so not a blood relative. I was thirteen when he died, which was unfortunately the last time I saw my cousin Phillip too.
It may be surprising for people to hear that I was a fairly quiet child, at school and at family events. So I never really spoke to Barry. I did get on with my cousins Phillip and Sarah though, although Phillip was always a trouble maker and blaming Claire and myself for any mischief he'd been up to. Sarah was always fairly quiet, and she still is to this day. She still lives with my aunty Kim, but after Barrys death Phillip wanted no more to do with my aunty and went to live with Barrys side of the family.
Kim had been having an affair, which Barry had eventually found out about when Kim walked out on him and the kids. She did move back in quite soon after, but things were very tense between them. I remember a few times seeing them together and things never seemed quite right. I know there were a few times that Barry went a bit strange, which I think resulted in Kim leaving him again along with the kids this time.
I think after that, Barry found it hard, as not only had he lost his immediate family, but also our side of the family too, which I believe he always prefered to his own.
Phillip did eventually move back in with Barry, but Sarah stayed with Kim, and it seemed as if Barry was getting over the break up.
I am fairly sure it was a Tuesday night when the phone rang in the early hours. I could hear my mum crying, and Claire came into my room saying 'I think someone has died'. I didn't think much of it as I was tired, so went back to sleep. In the morning I found out that Barry had hung himself the day before.
He'd bought a new lock for the door and changed it before Phillip got home from school, so he'd not find him dead.
I know he'd left notes for Phillip and Sarah and had smoked one last cigarette before doing it. So he must have been pretty sure that it's what he wanted to do. I am also fairly sure it was sudden and he did it correctly as when he was found he'd been dead for hours.
Phillip arrived home from school and found that his key wouldn't open the door. After a few attempts he went to a neighbour for help. The neighbour ended up getting a ladder and going in through a top window, where he found the body. Phillip was obviously devastated, and ran over to Kims house shouting 'you killed my dad'.
I went to school on the Wednesday and was walking to school with Dave. I remember I laughed when I said 'my uncle killed himself'. I don't cry easily, and although quite shocked and a little upset I couldn't cry. Yet a small laugh came out, not because I found it funny, I guess more because it was still quite shocking and upsetting, and some sort of emotion had to come out. Mum and Dad went up to see Kim that day, and I believe she was in quite a bad state as is understandable.
The funeral was also quite dramatic, as you'd probably expect. His side of the family blaming Kim certainly didn't help, I know some said 'you'll all be dancing on his grave'.
I know that when the cars came to pick people up, Phillip was in a car with Nan and he said something along the lines of 'you never cared about him', which I know upset her.
I also remember when we got to the crematorium and the service began. Kim was in floods of tears, it was awful. Definitely the most upsetting funeral I've ever been to.
Later we went back to Kims house, and Barrys family went back to his old house. We just sat and talked, whereas at Barrys house there was a big party and they were all drunk. What was that about us dancing on his grave?
The funeral was the last time I saw Phillip, which is a shame as we did get on when he wasn't getting up to no good. I still see Sarah quite often though, and she still sees Phillip, but he still wnats nothing to do with our side of the family. Kim ended up marrying the man she cheated on Barry with, although I still don't class him as my proper uncle, to me Barry was.
This is about the death of my uncle Barry who was my mums sisters husband, so not a blood relative. I was thirteen when he died, which was unfortunately the last time I saw my cousin Phillip too.
It may be surprising for people to hear that I was a fairly quiet child, at school and at family events. So I never really spoke to Barry. I did get on with my cousins Phillip and Sarah though, although Phillip was always a trouble maker and blaming Claire and myself for any mischief he'd been up to. Sarah was always fairly quiet, and she still is to this day. She still lives with my aunty Kim, but after Barrys death Phillip wanted no more to do with my aunty and went to live with Barrys side of the family.
Kim had been having an affair, which Barry had eventually found out about when Kim walked out on him and the kids. She did move back in quite soon after, but things were very tense between them. I remember a few times seeing them together and things never seemed quite right. I know there were a few times that Barry went a bit strange, which I think resulted in Kim leaving him again along with the kids this time.
I think after that, Barry found it hard, as not only had he lost his immediate family, but also our side of the family too, which I believe he always prefered to his own.
Phillip did eventually move back in with Barry, but Sarah stayed with Kim, and it seemed as if Barry was getting over the break up.
I am fairly sure it was a Tuesday night when the phone rang in the early hours. I could hear my mum crying, and Claire came into my room saying 'I think someone has died'. I didn't think much of it as I was tired, so went back to sleep. In the morning I found out that Barry had hung himself the day before.
He'd bought a new lock for the door and changed it before Phillip got home from school, so he'd not find him dead.
I know he'd left notes for Phillip and Sarah and had smoked one last cigarette before doing it. So he must have been pretty sure that it's what he wanted to do. I am also fairly sure it was sudden and he did it correctly as when he was found he'd been dead for hours.
Phillip arrived home from school and found that his key wouldn't open the door. After a few attempts he went to a neighbour for help. The neighbour ended up getting a ladder and going in through a top window, where he found the body. Phillip was obviously devastated, and ran over to Kims house shouting 'you killed my dad'.
I went to school on the Wednesday and was walking to school with Dave. I remember I laughed when I said 'my uncle killed himself'. I don't cry easily, and although quite shocked and a little upset I couldn't cry. Yet a small laugh came out, not because I found it funny, I guess more because it was still quite shocking and upsetting, and some sort of emotion had to come out. Mum and Dad went up to see Kim that day, and I believe she was in quite a bad state as is understandable.
The funeral was also quite dramatic, as you'd probably expect. His side of the family blaming Kim certainly didn't help, I know some said 'you'll all be dancing on his grave'.
I know that when the cars came to pick people up, Phillip was in a car with Nan and he said something along the lines of 'you never cared about him', which I know upset her.
I also remember when we got to the crematorium and the service began. Kim was in floods of tears, it was awful. Definitely the most upsetting funeral I've ever been to.
Later we went back to Kims house, and Barrys family went back to his old house. We just sat and talked, whereas at Barrys house there was a big party and they were all drunk. What was that about us dancing on his grave?
The funeral was the last time I saw Phillip, which is a shame as we did get on when he wasn't getting up to no good. I still see Sarah quite often though, and she still sees Phillip, but he still wnats nothing to do with our side of the family. Kim ended up marrying the man she cheated on Barry with, although I still don't class him as my proper uncle, to me Barry was.
Wednesday 23 February 2011
Spike and the greenhouse
I'd guess that I must have been about eight or nine when a street near me 'Longcroft' was going to be demolished and have new houses built on it. Chimpy used to live in Longcroft, so we'd often hang around in his garden.
One day the whole gang of us were there, Dave, Dan, Ben, Neil and myself, along with lots of others I didn't really know too well. Chimpy was inside eating dinner, but the rest of us were running riot in his garden.
A few houses down, there was a huge greenhouse in a garden, and some of the other kids began throwing stones at it claiming that it was going to be knocked down in a few weeks time anyway.
To start with I just threw a few small stones, but it was such a great feeling when there was a 'SMASH' from one that I'd thrown, so I then found bigger ones to throw. Chimps garden was chaos, kids running around throwing stones, it was like a warzone with the stones flying threw the air and constant smashing of windows from the greenhouse.
It all came to a sudden hault when the owner of the greenhouse came running into the garden shouting. So I did the only thing I could do, I ran, and surprisingly I made it all the way home without being caught. Unfortunatly the others got quite a bollocking from the bloke.
Dan told his mum about it, who in turn told Daves mum, so they all got into trouble when they got home. Luckily my parents never found out. However, Ben (Dans brother) was still back at Longcroft with some other kids, and Dan was under strict orders from his mum to bring him home, so Dave and myself joined him on his retrieval mission.
This time when we got to Chimpys garden, there was no escape. We were greeted by a policeman who then proceeded to gather all the kids round and gave us all quite a stern warning.
I did feel really quite bad about this, especially when we were told that the owner of the greenhouse had planned to have it moved to his new garden when he moved out.
I know that when I got home that night I was very quiet and worried that somehow my parents would find out what I'd done. Days passed and nothing was said, so I thoought I was safe. That was until a few weeks later my dad had his watch stolen when he'd been playing football. A policeman came to the house to take a statement, and it was the same policeman who had given me a warning. I ran up to my room and closed the door worried sick he'd have recognised me and said something. Thankfully he didn't.
A good few years afterwards I did tell my parents about it. They weren't shocked and my dad said he did similar things in his youth, I think he was even proud of me for being a bit of a bugger.
One day the whole gang of us were there, Dave, Dan, Ben, Neil and myself, along with lots of others I didn't really know too well. Chimpy was inside eating dinner, but the rest of us were running riot in his garden.
A few houses down, there was a huge greenhouse in a garden, and some of the other kids began throwing stones at it claiming that it was going to be knocked down in a few weeks time anyway.
To start with I just threw a few small stones, but it was such a great feeling when there was a 'SMASH' from one that I'd thrown, so I then found bigger ones to throw. Chimps garden was chaos, kids running around throwing stones, it was like a warzone with the stones flying threw the air and constant smashing of windows from the greenhouse.
It all came to a sudden hault when the owner of the greenhouse came running into the garden shouting. So I did the only thing I could do, I ran, and surprisingly I made it all the way home without being caught. Unfortunatly the others got quite a bollocking from the bloke.
Dan told his mum about it, who in turn told Daves mum, so they all got into trouble when they got home. Luckily my parents never found out. However, Ben (Dans brother) was still back at Longcroft with some other kids, and Dan was under strict orders from his mum to bring him home, so Dave and myself joined him on his retrieval mission.
This time when we got to Chimpys garden, there was no escape. We were greeted by a policeman who then proceeded to gather all the kids round and gave us all quite a stern warning.
I did feel really quite bad about this, especially when we were told that the owner of the greenhouse had planned to have it moved to his new garden when he moved out.
I know that when I got home that night I was very quiet and worried that somehow my parents would find out what I'd done. Days passed and nothing was said, so I thoought I was safe. That was until a few weeks later my dad had his watch stolen when he'd been playing football. A policeman came to the house to take a statement, and it was the same policeman who had given me a warning. I ran up to my room and closed the door worried sick he'd have recognised me and said something. Thankfully he didn't.
A good few years afterwards I did tell my parents about it. They weren't shocked and my dad said he did similar things in his youth, I think he was even proud of me for being a bit of a bugger.
Monday 21 February 2011
Spike and the butterflies
I often have quite weird dreams. Not only do I have weird dreams, but I have been known to sleep with my eyes open, talk in my sleep and sometimes sleepwalk. The worst thing I get though are night hallucinations. Basically I'll be awake (although still sort of asleep, but my eyes will be open and I'll often be sat up) and see things. I quite often see people standing by my bed, once I even saw a dead Jamaican man in my bed. I also often see animals, sometimes even objects. Sometimes this can be very frightening and I have to turn on the light and get myself back together for a few minutes before turning off the light and sleeping again.
Apparently you get them due to stress and worry, and I can happily say that I don't get them as much as I did when I was younger, which I guess meant I had a stressful childhood.
When I was very young though it was butterflies I used to see. I'd see them swooping towards me and trying to attack me. I even remember my parents trying to let me sleep in their bed, yet I'd still see them attacking me.
As a result I still hate butterflies today and will do my best to avoid them.
I know there was once a point that Claire told me Maltesers were made from dead butterflies. If this was before my hallucinations it'd explain a lot. If it was afterwards, then she was just mean! I am happy to report that I still eat maltesers though.
Apparently you get them due to stress and worry, and I can happily say that I don't get them as much as I did when I was younger, which I guess meant I had a stressful childhood.
When I was very young though it was butterflies I used to see. I'd see them swooping towards me and trying to attack me. I even remember my parents trying to let me sleep in their bed, yet I'd still see them attacking me.
As a result I still hate butterflies today and will do my best to avoid them.
I know there was once a point that Claire told me Maltesers were made from dead butterflies. If this was before my hallucinations it'd explain a lot. If it was afterwards, then she was just mean! I am happy to report that I still eat maltesers though.
Friday 18 February 2011
Spike starts nursery school
I don't think I ever really enjoyed school. People who say 'The school days are the best years of your life' are talking out of their backside if you ask me.
I remember my first day at Nursery reasonably well considering I was only four. I only had one real friend at that time, which was of course Dave as he lived next door. I was told he would be there the day I started, but unfortunately he wasn't. He went in the afternoon and I went in the morning.
So as soon as my mum left me in this strange room with two nursery nurses and lots of strange children, I cried. I cried for hours and remember the nursery nurses wiping my tears with paper towels. This actually hurt, why couldn't they have found some tissues? I also seemed to be the only child crying.
After I'd finally calmed down (which took some time), I had to join the other children sitting on the carpet. I was told to cross my legs. Now I had never crossed my legs before so I remember not knowing how the heck to do so. The other children seemed to find this quite funny as I stretched my legs out, tried kneeling and several other sitting positions before I finally figured out how to do so.
I had a pretty bad first day and was overjoyed when my mum came to finally take me home. My mum then arranged with Daves mum for us to both go to nursery at the same time, and after that it became a lot better.
One of the best games Dave and myself would play at nursery would involve us being burglars. There was an indoor play house full of pots and pans and various other things in the kitchen area. The girls would play happy families in there, and Dave and myself would sneak in and steal as much as we could and then run away.
I also met my first girlfriend at nursery. Can I call her my first girlfriend? Maybe not, but Claire still always refers to her as being so.
My favourite colour as a child was orange, I have no idea why really, but for some reason I liked it a lot back then.
There was a girl there called Jody, and you guessed it, she had ginger hair. It was for this reason that I liked her. Looking back now, I think she was actually very pretty too, so I must have had good taste.
Unfortunately when we got into Junior school Jody left to go to another one.
I am fairly sure she remained in Stevenage though. Back when I'd turned eighteen I heard that she was a barmaid in a local pub. I'm not sure if I ever saw her in there as I doubt I'd have recognised her. Yet the person that told me she was working there said she was quite a stunner now. Therefore I must have had good taste.
I suppose nursey was quite fun, and probably the hi-light of my school years. We didn't have to do any work, it was mainly playing with toys, listening to stories and drawing pictures. We then finished at lunchtime and I could go home to watch childrens programmes.
I remember my first day at Nursery reasonably well considering I was only four. I only had one real friend at that time, which was of course Dave as he lived next door. I was told he would be there the day I started, but unfortunately he wasn't. He went in the afternoon and I went in the morning.
So as soon as my mum left me in this strange room with two nursery nurses and lots of strange children, I cried. I cried for hours and remember the nursery nurses wiping my tears with paper towels. This actually hurt, why couldn't they have found some tissues? I also seemed to be the only child crying.
After I'd finally calmed down (which took some time), I had to join the other children sitting on the carpet. I was told to cross my legs. Now I had never crossed my legs before so I remember not knowing how the heck to do so. The other children seemed to find this quite funny as I stretched my legs out, tried kneeling and several other sitting positions before I finally figured out how to do so.
I had a pretty bad first day and was overjoyed when my mum came to finally take me home. My mum then arranged with Daves mum for us to both go to nursery at the same time, and after that it became a lot better.
One of the best games Dave and myself would play at nursery would involve us being burglars. There was an indoor play house full of pots and pans and various other things in the kitchen area. The girls would play happy families in there, and Dave and myself would sneak in and steal as much as we could and then run away.
I also met my first girlfriend at nursery. Can I call her my first girlfriend? Maybe not, but Claire still always refers to her as being so.
My favourite colour as a child was orange, I have no idea why really, but for some reason I liked it a lot back then.
There was a girl there called Jody, and you guessed it, she had ginger hair. It was for this reason that I liked her. Looking back now, I think she was actually very pretty too, so I must have had good taste.
Unfortunately when we got into Junior school Jody left to go to another one.
I am fairly sure she remained in Stevenage though. Back when I'd turned eighteen I heard that she was a barmaid in a local pub. I'm not sure if I ever saw her in there as I doubt I'd have recognised her. Yet the person that told me she was working there said she was quite a stunner now. Therefore I must have had good taste.
I suppose nursey was quite fun, and probably the hi-light of my school years. We didn't have to do any work, it was mainly playing with toys, listening to stories and drawing pictures. We then finished at lunchtime and I could go home to watch childrens programmes.
Wednesday 16 February 2011
Spike and the dying cat
It must have been around ten years ago now, Claire had moved back home for a while. She'd often go into the garden for a cigarette and had noticed a very skinny and ill looking cat by our backdoor one morning. The cat had remained there all day, and by the evening we decided we should take it to the vets as it looked as if it was dying.
We wrapped it in an old blanket and tried to put it in a box, but it kept jumping out, so I had to let it sit on my lap and reassure it by stroking it as we drove to the vets. The smell was awful, the cat smelt really really bad, but I still began to take a bit of a shine to the poor thing.
When we got to the vet, he checked it over quickly and basically said it had cancer and there was nothing he could do for it but put it down.
I know it sounds silly, but I felt really upset on the way home. I barely knew this cat, but I guess I was hoping the vet would be able to do something and it'd be nursed back to health. So even though I did think the cat may be put down, it still took me a bit by surprise.
There's not much else I can write about this story, but what I find odd is that I was more upset about this cat than I was when my fish died.
We wrapped it in an old blanket and tried to put it in a box, but it kept jumping out, so I had to let it sit on my lap and reassure it by stroking it as we drove to the vets. The smell was awful, the cat smelt really really bad, but I still began to take a bit of a shine to the poor thing.
When we got to the vet, he checked it over quickly and basically said it had cancer and there was nothing he could do for it but put it down.
I know it sounds silly, but I felt really upset on the way home. I barely knew this cat, but I guess I was hoping the vet would be able to do something and it'd be nursed back to health. So even though I did think the cat may be put down, it still took me a bit by surprise.
There's not much else I can write about this story, but what I find odd is that I was more upset about this cat than I was when my fish died.
Tuesday 15 February 2011
Spike meets Emma
Close to ten years ago I used to use Lycos Chat, where I made friends with several different people. One of the people I met was a girl called 'Emma'. I know she had quite a few issues, she was also married aswell as having a boyfriend. Her husband was off fighting in Iraq or some place, so he didn't know about her boyfriend. Anyway, I ended up getting on quite well with Emma and asked her out on a date to which she agreed to.
Now I have to say that it probably wasn't the best date as I took her to meet my mates at Pages bar.
I asked Shibs and Mart if I could bring a girl along and if she could crash over at theirs with me. They agreed, mainly because they didn't think I'd actually bring a girl. I still remember the look on their faces when I walked into the pub with her. It wasn't just their faces though, but pretty much most people I knew, as she was very attractive. It also has to be said that she was a couple years older than me. I was about 21, and she was in her mid twenties at least.
So, although she was a nice and friendly enough woman, she was completely nuts, but not nuts in a good way, nuts in quite an odd and sometimes scary way. She also had a really bad laugh. One of those annoyingly loud and disturbing laughs that sounds like a parrot being strangled.
That night things obviously happened, but I feel that I was taken advantage of by an older attractive woman. I also remember that as it was Shibs and Marts flat we were in, they were quite pissed off with me. Maybe it partly due to the stains on the sheets, but I think more so due to the fact we had the sofa bed and Franz was sleeping on the sofa. When the noise got too much he left the room and slept on the floor in another room, which I did feel a bit bad about.
The good thing about the night is that she had a really good time. I don't think she had many friends, and her family were very protective of her due to her issues. She said it was one of the best nights of her life (probably not due to what happened in Shibs and Marts flat as I wasn't very good back then), and it felt good to have made someone feel good to be alive.
I heard from her a few times after that, but gradually heard less and less from her, which was a bit of a shame. the last I heard from her was exactly ten months later (I remember this as I was slightly worried) when she told me she'd just had a baby. She was previously unable to have children, yet somehow that changed. I'm not sure if the father was her husband or her boyfriend, but I'm sure it can't have been me. Anyway, she was one of the many nutty women I have had a date with. The thing that really stands out about her (apart from the fact she had very large breasts) was the next day when I took her for some food in Wetherspoons. We were sat there talking when I'd said something funny, and then her loud embarassing laugh came out. The whole pub went silent and were just staring at us. Was very embarassing.
Now I have to say that it probably wasn't the best date as I took her to meet my mates at Pages bar.
I asked Shibs and Mart if I could bring a girl along and if she could crash over at theirs with me. They agreed, mainly because they didn't think I'd actually bring a girl. I still remember the look on their faces when I walked into the pub with her. It wasn't just their faces though, but pretty much most people I knew, as she was very attractive. It also has to be said that she was a couple years older than me. I was about 21, and she was in her mid twenties at least.
So, although she was a nice and friendly enough woman, she was completely nuts, but not nuts in a good way, nuts in quite an odd and sometimes scary way. She also had a really bad laugh. One of those annoyingly loud and disturbing laughs that sounds like a parrot being strangled.
That night things obviously happened, but I feel that I was taken advantage of by an older attractive woman. I also remember that as it was Shibs and Marts flat we were in, they were quite pissed off with me. Maybe it partly due to the stains on the sheets, but I think more so due to the fact we had the sofa bed and Franz was sleeping on the sofa. When the noise got too much he left the room and slept on the floor in another room, which I did feel a bit bad about.
The good thing about the night is that she had a really good time. I don't think she had many friends, and her family were very protective of her due to her issues. She said it was one of the best nights of her life (probably not due to what happened in Shibs and Marts flat as I wasn't very good back then), and it felt good to have made someone feel good to be alive.
I heard from her a few times after that, but gradually heard less and less from her, which was a bit of a shame. the last I heard from her was exactly ten months later (I remember this as I was slightly worried) when she told me she'd just had a baby. She was previously unable to have children, yet somehow that changed. I'm not sure if the father was her husband or her boyfriend, but I'm sure it can't have been me. Anyway, she was one of the many nutty women I have had a date with. The thing that really stands out about her (apart from the fact she had very large breasts) was the next day when I took her for some food in Wetherspoons. We were sat there talking when I'd said something funny, and then her loud embarassing laugh came out. The whole pub went silent and were just staring at us. Was very embarassing.
Friday 11 February 2011
Spike and the headless horseman?
Back in junior school, a group of us would often sit around telling stories. Looking back, these stories were awful. Before I get to the story about the headless horseman I am going to tell a story I remember someone telling me at school (please bear in mind that it is ridiculous).
A married couple move into a new flat on the fifth floor, but as they have just moved in they have no food to eat. They are very very hungry and are unsure what to do for food. The husband in this story is called Johnny by the way, which is useful to know for later on.
They then hear a knock on the door, and it's a man. The man takes pity on them and gives them his liver to eat, but warns them not to throw it away.
So Johnny and his wife consider eating the liver when suddenly Johnnys wife finds some sandwiches she'd forgotten about, so they eat them instead and throw the liver in the bin.
That night as they slept, they hear a faint whispering saying "Johnny I'm on the first floor I want my liver back". They decide to ignore it, but then hear it slightly louder this time saying "Johnny I'm on the second floor I want my liver back". They both sit up in bed and then hear it louder, "Johnny I'm on the third floor I want my liver back". They are now getting slightly scared as they hear it quite loud now saying "Johnny I'm on the fourth floor I want my liver back". Then it is really loud "Johnny I'm on the fifth floor I want my liver back!" and then splat! They both die.
So those are the awful types of ghost stories ten year olds at our junior school would tell. However one friend called Russell informed us that nearby where he lived there was the ghost of a headless horseman which he'd apparently seen. He told us where abouts it was, under a bridge, so one weekend Big Dave, Chimpy and myself decided to check it out for a scare.
The area that it was at was always quite an eerie place. It was always foggy there, and it was quite a desolate place near a big field which was always empty and heading towards farmland.
at the time we honestly didn't think we'd see a ghost, but then as we walked under the bridge we heard the sound of horse trods. They were getting closer and closer. This scared the shit out of all three of us, so we did the only thing we could we, we ran away! I don't think I've ever run so fast.
It was then that I looked back to see where the other two were. Chimpy was level with me, but Dave had stopped and was way behind us. Next to Dave was a woman on a horse talking to him. It turns out that it was a common place for people to take their horses out for a walk, and she'd asked Big Dave what the time was.
I did then feel very silly for running away, and god knows what the woman thought of us. We hung out around that area many times afterwards, but we never saw the ghost fo a headless horseman.
A married couple move into a new flat on the fifth floor, but as they have just moved in they have no food to eat. They are very very hungry and are unsure what to do for food. The husband in this story is called Johnny by the way, which is useful to know for later on.
They then hear a knock on the door, and it's a man. The man takes pity on them and gives them his liver to eat, but warns them not to throw it away.
So Johnny and his wife consider eating the liver when suddenly Johnnys wife finds some sandwiches she'd forgotten about, so they eat them instead and throw the liver in the bin.
That night as they slept, they hear a faint whispering saying "Johnny I'm on the first floor I want my liver back". They decide to ignore it, but then hear it slightly louder this time saying "Johnny I'm on the second floor I want my liver back". They both sit up in bed and then hear it louder, "Johnny I'm on the third floor I want my liver back". They are now getting slightly scared as they hear it quite loud now saying "Johnny I'm on the fourth floor I want my liver back". Then it is really loud "Johnny I'm on the fifth floor I want my liver back!" and then splat! They both die.
So those are the awful types of ghost stories ten year olds at our junior school would tell. However one friend called Russell informed us that nearby where he lived there was the ghost of a headless horseman which he'd apparently seen. He told us where abouts it was, under a bridge, so one weekend Big Dave, Chimpy and myself decided to check it out for a scare.
The area that it was at was always quite an eerie place. It was always foggy there, and it was quite a desolate place near a big field which was always empty and heading towards farmland.
at the time we honestly didn't think we'd see a ghost, but then as we walked under the bridge we heard the sound of horse trods. They were getting closer and closer. This scared the shit out of all three of us, so we did the only thing we could we, we ran away! I don't think I've ever run so fast.
It was then that I looked back to see where the other two were. Chimpy was level with me, but Dave had stopped and was way behind us. Next to Dave was a woman on a horse talking to him. It turns out that it was a common place for people to take their horses out for a walk, and she'd asked Big Dave what the time was.
I did then feel very silly for running away, and god knows what the woman thought of us. We hung out around that area many times afterwards, but we never saw the ghost fo a headless horseman.
Thursday 10 February 2011
Spike encounters many strange people outside Kings Cross.
I spend a lot of my social life in London. Most of my best mates live in London, plus it's a better place to go for a night out than Stevenage.
The only trouble with going out in London is that if I stay out late I have to wait until 6am for my first train home, unless I crash at a friends house.
Therefore there have been many times I've spent an hour or two waiting outside Kings Cross train station for the doors to open to get my train home.
It has to be said that I have met a lot of crazy people on different nights there, some of which have been genuinely quite scary, so here is a list of a few that stood out.
I think the scariest encounter was with a tramp. I was sat down by the doors listening to my mp3 player and minding my own business when suddenly a quite smelly, bearded and dirty looking tramp came and said hello to me. He had with him a lage bag in which he had some cans of beer which he started drinking. Then something took me by complete surprise. He then removed from his bag a large ghetto blaster. I did wonder what a tramp was doing with one, but I think the most disturbing part of this story was when he pressed play. Suddenly blasting out of the speakers I can hear 'You put your left leg in, your left leg out, in out in out and shake it all about'. Yes you've guessed it, he was playing the Hokey Cokey. The thing is, he wasn't just playing it, he was then dancing around with his beer and singing and dancing to it. It was then that I decided to go for a walk to get away from him, and on my return noticing he was still there, I sat by the other set of doors to avoid the lunatic.
The next odd person I met outside Kings Cross seemed slightly less scary, but it was a very odd experience. I had been on a pub crawl and was sat there dressed as 'The Doctor (Doctor Who)'. Then a tall skinheaded black guy came over to me and started talking, despite the fact there were several other people waiting outside. Why they always choose to talk to me, I'll never know.
Anyway he was talking to me for a while, and I was being polite by talking back to him as he seemed like a nice enough bloke. However what really stands out is the fact he was telling me I could make a difference. I am convinced he was a time traveller from the future who was trying to set me on the right path to change the world. He basically told me that I wasn't going to be Prime Minister but that I would make a difference and had to believe in myself. I didn't tell him anything about myself, so why he was so adament that I make a change and become someone special was very odd. For a while afterwards though it did give me quite a boost to become a better person.
So, after meeting a crazy Hokey Cokey'ing tramp and a time traveller, could I meet anyone stranger? Yes!
Yet again after quite a heavy night out in London I was waiting outside Kings Cross. This time I met an attractive blonde girl. She was foreign, although I can't for the life of me remember where she was from. She said she'd been at the venue I'd been to that night, but I don't recall having seen her there.
Anyway we got chatting about music, she used her iphone to add me to facebook and we swapped numbers. Now this is the weird thing..... the doors to Kings Cross opened and I checked the board to see where my train was. I saw the girl walk off to the left, so after having looked at the board I went to go and say bye to her. Well I saw her walking away and she dissapeared around a corner. When I got to this corner though, she'd gone. She had completely vanished through a wall. I found this a bit weird at the time, but it wasn't until the next day that I realised I now had no facebook request from her, and her number in my phone had dissapeared. So, either I was even more drunk that I first thought and was hallucinating, or she was a ghost. I'm guessing she was a ghost.
The last slightly odd person I met outside Kings Cross was a foreign man. Again there were several people sat outside, but it was me he came up to rather than anyone else. Why?
Anyway he seemed quite sad, so I felt a bit bad for him and engaged in conversation. It turned out that his wife was in hospital pregnant, but I don't think she was too well. I think he was also in danger of being deported from what I remember. He didn't speak great English so it was hard to understand all that he said. He was then saying he could set me up with his sister who he showed me a picture of. I did of course say she was very attractive, but in all honesty I'm not sure she was my type.
There then came a point where he was flashing his money around. He got out his wallet and he had loads of fifity pound notes in there. I was trying to tell him to keep it hidden or someone would be likely to mug him, I hope he understood what I was trying to say.
I then made the mistake of telling him I was a magician and showed him a trick. He then seemed to love me even more and was hugging me and taking pics of him with his arm around me on his phone. When the doors finally opened I said goodbye and wished him and his wife well, and he went his own way.
So those are the four strangest people. There have been many other people I've met outside the station, infact most times I am there I get talking to someone. I'm actually a bit gutted that it has been some time since I've met a weirdo there, but who knows who I might meet next time.
The only trouble with going out in London is that if I stay out late I have to wait until 6am for my first train home, unless I crash at a friends house.
Therefore there have been many times I've spent an hour or two waiting outside Kings Cross train station for the doors to open to get my train home.
It has to be said that I have met a lot of crazy people on different nights there, some of which have been genuinely quite scary, so here is a list of a few that stood out.
I think the scariest encounter was with a tramp. I was sat down by the doors listening to my mp3 player and minding my own business when suddenly a quite smelly, bearded and dirty looking tramp came and said hello to me. He had with him a lage bag in which he had some cans of beer which he started drinking. Then something took me by complete surprise. He then removed from his bag a large ghetto blaster. I did wonder what a tramp was doing with one, but I think the most disturbing part of this story was when he pressed play. Suddenly blasting out of the speakers I can hear 'You put your left leg in, your left leg out, in out in out and shake it all about'. Yes you've guessed it, he was playing the Hokey Cokey. The thing is, he wasn't just playing it, he was then dancing around with his beer and singing and dancing to it. It was then that I decided to go for a walk to get away from him, and on my return noticing he was still there, I sat by the other set of doors to avoid the lunatic.
The next odd person I met outside Kings Cross seemed slightly less scary, but it was a very odd experience. I had been on a pub crawl and was sat there dressed as 'The Doctor (Doctor Who)'. Then a tall skinheaded black guy came over to me and started talking, despite the fact there were several other people waiting outside. Why they always choose to talk to me, I'll never know.
Anyway he was talking to me for a while, and I was being polite by talking back to him as he seemed like a nice enough bloke. However what really stands out is the fact he was telling me I could make a difference. I am convinced he was a time traveller from the future who was trying to set me on the right path to change the world. He basically told me that I wasn't going to be Prime Minister but that I would make a difference and had to believe in myself. I didn't tell him anything about myself, so why he was so adament that I make a change and become someone special was very odd. For a while afterwards though it did give me quite a boost to become a better person.
So, after meeting a crazy Hokey Cokey'ing tramp and a time traveller, could I meet anyone stranger? Yes!
Yet again after quite a heavy night out in London I was waiting outside Kings Cross. This time I met an attractive blonde girl. She was foreign, although I can't for the life of me remember where she was from. She said she'd been at the venue I'd been to that night, but I don't recall having seen her there.
Anyway we got chatting about music, she used her iphone to add me to facebook and we swapped numbers. Now this is the weird thing..... the doors to Kings Cross opened and I checked the board to see where my train was. I saw the girl walk off to the left, so after having looked at the board I went to go and say bye to her. Well I saw her walking away and she dissapeared around a corner. When I got to this corner though, she'd gone. She had completely vanished through a wall. I found this a bit weird at the time, but it wasn't until the next day that I realised I now had no facebook request from her, and her number in my phone had dissapeared. So, either I was even more drunk that I first thought and was hallucinating, or she was a ghost. I'm guessing she was a ghost.
The last slightly odd person I met outside Kings Cross was a foreign man. Again there were several people sat outside, but it was me he came up to rather than anyone else. Why?
Anyway he seemed quite sad, so I felt a bit bad for him and engaged in conversation. It turned out that his wife was in hospital pregnant, but I don't think she was too well. I think he was also in danger of being deported from what I remember. He didn't speak great English so it was hard to understand all that he said. He was then saying he could set me up with his sister who he showed me a picture of. I did of course say she was very attractive, but in all honesty I'm not sure she was my type.
There then came a point where he was flashing his money around. He got out his wallet and he had loads of fifity pound notes in there. I was trying to tell him to keep it hidden or someone would be likely to mug him, I hope he understood what I was trying to say.
I then made the mistake of telling him I was a magician and showed him a trick. He then seemed to love me even more and was hugging me and taking pics of him with his arm around me on his phone. When the doors finally opened I said goodbye and wished him and his wife well, and he went his own way.
So those are the four strangest people. There have been many other people I've met outside the station, infact most times I am there I get talking to someone. I'm actually a bit gutted that it has been some time since I've met a weirdo there, but who knows who I might meet next time.
Tuesday 8 February 2011
Spike and the car accident
A few years back I'd been out for a night in Watford with Russ and Chimpy. As we were driving back home, there was a car in front of us which suddenly seemed to lose control and crashed into the central reservation.
We stopped the car, and went over to make sure the driver was ok. She said she was so I called the police but didn't bother with an amubulance. As we waited there for the police to arrive, the woman seemed quite worried, and she then got out her phone to call her boyfriend. She then started shouting and arguing with him, blaming him for the fact that she crashed. Apparently she'd been drinking and was on the phone to him when she crashed the car. She then told him that we'd called the police and she didn't know what to do, so he basically told her to run away before they got there.
There wasn't anywhere for her to go apart from fields, so she ran off into some fields so the police couldn't breatherlise her.
Ten minutes later the police arrived and we gave them statements of what happened. Then something I didn't expect happened. As we'd told them she'd been drink driving the chief polcie officer made a decission. He called back to base to get the dogs out to chase her, as well as the police helicopter.
It did seem a bit over the top to me, and I did feel quite sorry for the drunk woman lost in soem fields when suddenly she finds herself being chased by dogs and a helicopter.
I think looking back at it now I see why they were determined to track her. She could quite easily have killed someone (possibly us as we were behind her). I still find it quite funny though, imagining her surrounded by dogs and a helicopter spotlight over her in the middle of a field.
We stopped the car, and went over to make sure the driver was ok. She said she was so I called the police but didn't bother with an amubulance. As we waited there for the police to arrive, the woman seemed quite worried, and she then got out her phone to call her boyfriend. She then started shouting and arguing with him, blaming him for the fact that she crashed. Apparently she'd been drinking and was on the phone to him when she crashed the car. She then told him that we'd called the police and she didn't know what to do, so he basically told her to run away before they got there.
There wasn't anywhere for her to go apart from fields, so she ran off into some fields so the police couldn't breatherlise her.
Ten minutes later the police arrived and we gave them statements of what happened. Then something I didn't expect happened. As we'd told them she'd been drink driving the chief polcie officer made a decission. He called back to base to get the dogs out to chase her, as well as the police helicopter.
It did seem a bit over the top to me, and I did feel quite sorry for the drunk woman lost in soem fields when suddenly she finds herself being chased by dogs and a helicopter.
I think looking back at it now I see why they were determined to track her. She could quite easily have killed someone (possibly us as we were behind her). I still find it quite funny though, imagining her surrounded by dogs and a helicopter spotlight over her in the middle of a field.
Monday 7 February 2011
Spike gets run over
One problem with me is that I am always in my own world. I often get lost in my head with very deep thoughts and fantasies which often mean I ignore things happening in the real world.
One day at about the age of fourteen I was walking home from school. It wasn't very far from the school gates when I was crossing the road. I was in my own world, but I am fairly sure there were no cars coming. So I crossed the road, when suddenly I was pushed quite hard to the ground. I laid there for a second or two, unsure what had happened. I then stood up and realised I'd been hit by a car. Luckily I had a big padded coat on which must have cushined the hit and the fall.
The bloke started shouting at me, and so did his partner. But then they asked if I was ok, and I said I was and carried on walking home. It was quite an odd experience and it didn't hurt too much.
It wasn't until the next day that I noticed as well as felt a huge black bruise down my leg and back side.
I decided not to mention it to my mum until the weekend. I said to her 'I was hit by a car the other day' and she replied 'don't be so silly, you shouldn't make up things like that'. I then insisted I had been and had to show her the bruise for her to believe me.
One day at about the age of fourteen I was walking home from school. It wasn't very far from the school gates when I was crossing the road. I was in my own world, but I am fairly sure there were no cars coming. So I crossed the road, when suddenly I was pushed quite hard to the ground. I laid there for a second or two, unsure what had happened. I then stood up and realised I'd been hit by a car. Luckily I had a big padded coat on which must have cushined the hit and the fall.
The bloke started shouting at me, and so did his partner. But then they asked if I was ok, and I said I was and carried on walking home. It was quite an odd experience and it didn't hurt too much.
It wasn't until the next day that I noticed as well as felt a huge black bruise down my leg and back side.
I decided not to mention it to my mum until the weekend. I said to her 'I was hit by a car the other day' and she replied 'don't be so silly, you shouldn't make up things like that'. I then insisted I had been and had to show her the bruise for her to believe me.
Spike nearly drowns
I could say that I have had a few near death experiences in life, but to be honest I don't think any of them have been that dangerous or close to death. I suppose one of the worst not very near death experiences was when I was around the age of six years old, which has stayed in my memory vivdly.
We were on holiday in Majorca at the time and by the pool area of the hotel. My parents had recently made friends with another couple, and they trusted the couple (who also had children) to keep an eye on Claire and myself whilst they went to get some towels from the hotel room.
The son of the couple who was quite a few years older than Claire and myself (definitely in his teens) was by the pool and letting us push him into the swimming pool simply by poking him with our fingers. He'd then pretend to fall in, then get back out and we'd do the same thing again. As I was only six, I found this hugely fun and amusing.
I'm not entirely sure what happened then, but a teenage Spanish boy got into an argument with the one we'd been messing around with. There was a bit of shouting and shoving, and then suddenly the Spanish boy grabbed me and threw me into the pool (this was an adult pool). I couldn't swim, and all I know is that I was at the bottom of the swimming pool, there were bubbles coming out of my mouth and everything was blue.
What surprises me, even to this day is that no one came in to get me, not the family looking after me, not even a lifeguard. Maybe I wasn't in the water all that long, but it seemed like a very long time.
Whilst under there though I somehow managed to make my way to the ladder by the side of the pool and climb out.
This was the moment my parents were back with the towels and they were quite shocked by what had happened. I was then coughing my lungs up with chlorine filled water, while my parents were drying me off and trying to help get the water out of me.
It probably doesn't sound too bad for most people reading this, but at the time it was an awful experience. I know my parents felt guilty afterwards and since that day they never entrusted us in peoples care unless they knew them very well.
Still, the sights, smells, and even the sounds of being in the pool are as fresh in my memory now as the day it happened.
We were on holiday in Majorca at the time and by the pool area of the hotel. My parents had recently made friends with another couple, and they trusted the couple (who also had children) to keep an eye on Claire and myself whilst they went to get some towels from the hotel room.
The son of the couple who was quite a few years older than Claire and myself (definitely in his teens) was by the pool and letting us push him into the swimming pool simply by poking him with our fingers. He'd then pretend to fall in, then get back out and we'd do the same thing again. As I was only six, I found this hugely fun and amusing.
I'm not entirely sure what happened then, but a teenage Spanish boy got into an argument with the one we'd been messing around with. There was a bit of shouting and shoving, and then suddenly the Spanish boy grabbed me and threw me into the pool (this was an adult pool). I couldn't swim, and all I know is that I was at the bottom of the swimming pool, there were bubbles coming out of my mouth and everything was blue.
What surprises me, even to this day is that no one came in to get me, not the family looking after me, not even a lifeguard. Maybe I wasn't in the water all that long, but it seemed like a very long time.
Whilst under there though I somehow managed to make my way to the ladder by the side of the pool and climb out.
This was the moment my parents were back with the towels and they were quite shocked by what had happened. I was then coughing my lungs up with chlorine filled water, while my parents were drying me off and trying to help get the water out of me.
It probably doesn't sound too bad for most people reading this, but at the time it was an awful experience. I know my parents felt guilty afterwards and since that day they never entrusted us in peoples care unless they knew them very well.
Still, the sights, smells, and even the sounds of being in the pool are as fresh in my memory now as the day it happened.
Saturday 5 February 2011
Spike the shoplifter
During my early teens there was not a great deal to do in my social life. A saturday afternoon would normally consist of going into the town centre with a couple of mates and looking round the shops. There then came a time when Big Dave started shoplifting and encouraged me to do the same. I started off by putting my hand into the pick n mix in Woolworths, which seemed to work great. I was never caught and got free sweets. This made me feel confident enough to go to the next level.
It was around easter time, and BHS were selling eastereggs. As soon as you entered the shop they had a table with several eastereggs on display. I stood there looking around, and saw no sign of any security guards, so I picked up an egg and started to walk towards the doors. Then I heard a voice from behind me 'What do you think you're doing?', coming from an older aged woman around the age of 60. I stood there frozen looking at her, to which she then said 'It's a good job there is no security around, in fact I'm going to get some'. I ran with the egg back to the display table, placed it back down and I ran out of the shop. I did not stop running until I was clear of the town centre and in a nearby park. Big Dave found it hysterically funny, but I did not. Since that day I have never attempted to shoplift anything else and never intend to again, just incase there is a 60 year old woman behind me who is likely to report me to a security guard.
It was around easter time, and BHS were selling eastereggs. As soon as you entered the shop they had a table with several eastereggs on display. I stood there looking around, and saw no sign of any security guards, so I picked up an egg and started to walk towards the doors. Then I heard a voice from behind me 'What do you think you're doing?', coming from an older aged woman around the age of 60. I stood there frozen looking at her, to which she then said 'It's a good job there is no security around, in fact I'm going to get some'. I ran with the egg back to the display table, placed it back down and I ran out of the shop. I did not stop running until I was clear of the town centre and in a nearby park. Big Dave found it hysterically funny, but I did not. Since that day I have never attempted to shoplift anything else and never intend to again, just incase there is a 60 year old woman behind me who is likely to report me to a security guard.
Friday 4 February 2011
Spike crashes his car
As soon as I turned seventeen, I started driving lessons. I have to admit that it did take me a couple of tests before I passed. Theory wise I passed with 100%, but the actual tests I was a bit rubbish at. I was actually failed on one test for driving too slowly down a country lane, which I did feel was a little unfair.
I eventually passed, which was great news as I could now drive my friends around whilst listening to some of my cool music.
A little while before passing I'd bought a D reg Fiesta which was only a few hundred pounds. It only had a tape deck in it, but that was ok as I made up some mix tapes for it, including one with driving songs such as 'Driving in my car', 'Road to nowhere' and many other driving themed songs.
The day after I passed I decided to drive around collecting my mates, which consisted of Big Dave, Chimpy and Steve, and we decided to drive down the town.
As it was a Saturday the town was very busy so I decided to park in a tiny carpark near the library. As I was driving around looking for a space I came to a corner, and as I turned there was a car on the wrong side of the road coming towards me. I am fairly sure the lyrics being played at that time were "Last week it went round the clock, I also had a little knock. I dented somebodies fender, he learnt not to park on a bender. Ha ha ha". I was only going at 10mph, but I slammed on the breaks, although not quick enough. I ended up going into him and making one hell of a dent in his car and mine.
I sat there not knowing what to do, and I saw the guy getting out of the car not looking happy. Thank god I had Big Dave with me, as he got out and the guy soon backed down. We swapped details and then I drove my car straight home.
Obviously my parents were somewhat annoyed, but they helped sort everything out. The car itself was written off, although I did drive it a couple of times afterwards. After the crash though I could never quite get back into the swing of driving and have not really driven since. Maybe I will do again some day but I'll definitely need refresher lessons.
I eventually passed, which was great news as I could now drive my friends around whilst listening to some of my cool music.
A little while before passing I'd bought a D reg Fiesta which was only a few hundred pounds. It only had a tape deck in it, but that was ok as I made up some mix tapes for it, including one with driving songs such as 'Driving in my car', 'Road to nowhere' and many other driving themed songs.
The day after I passed I decided to drive around collecting my mates, which consisted of Big Dave, Chimpy and Steve, and we decided to drive down the town.
As it was a Saturday the town was very busy so I decided to park in a tiny carpark near the library. As I was driving around looking for a space I came to a corner, and as I turned there was a car on the wrong side of the road coming towards me. I am fairly sure the lyrics being played at that time were "Last week it went round the clock, I also had a little knock. I dented somebodies fender, he learnt not to park on a bender. Ha ha ha". I was only going at 10mph, but I slammed on the breaks, although not quick enough. I ended up going into him and making one hell of a dent in his car and mine.
I sat there not knowing what to do, and I saw the guy getting out of the car not looking happy. Thank god I had Big Dave with me, as he got out and the guy soon backed down. We swapped details and then I drove my car straight home.
Obviously my parents were somewhat annoyed, but they helped sort everything out. The car itself was written off, although I did drive it a couple of times afterwards. After the crash though I could never quite get back into the swing of driving and have not really driven since. Maybe I will do again some day but I'll definitely need refresher lessons.
Wednesday 2 February 2011
Spike kills his goldfish
This happened a good few years ago when I was still in sixth form, about the age of sixteen or seventeen. Every September the fair comes to Stevenage and takes over the whole High Street with rides and games and other sorts of typical things you find at fairs. Back then they were still allowed to give away goldfish as prizes, and I won one. This was before we could legally drink, but a few of us were drunk and were walking around Stevenage doing silly things that night whilst I had my goldfish still in its little plastic bag. Surprisingly it survived, so I bought it a tank.
As the years went by I had to buy it a bigger tank as it started to get a lot bigger. It also has to be noted that this fish was no ordinary gold fish. I was convinced it was the reincarnation of something evil. It would often jump out of the water of his tank like a dolphin and splash back into the tank which would cause water to go everywhere. It's most intelligent trick though was using the little pebbles at the bottom of the tank. It'd put them in its mouth and tap on the glass as I slept, often waking me up. I am partly convinced that it was trying to communicate through morse code. So as you can see, this was no ordinary gold fish, and there is no way it only had a five second memory.
So after ten years the fish was still alive and I was getting damn annoyed by the morse code messages and splashing, so I decided to move it into the spare room. Unfortunately as I didn't see the fish each morning to feed it, I forgot to feed it. I think it was quite possibly a week before I suddenly remembered. When I got to the tank in the spare room, I was quite shocked by what I saw.
The fish was lying on the bottom of the tank, curled up, I was fairly sure it was dead. I got a pencil and tried to nudge it, and it moved a tiny bit. I'm not sure if it was good that it was half alive. I tried putting in food and tried to get it to eat some, but it wouldn't. After five minutes, and realising it must have been in a lot of pain and discomfort, I did the only thing I could. I fished it out and put it into the toilet.
Before I flushed it, I saw its eyes staring up at me, for the first time in its life looking sweet and innocent. I flushed the toilet and never saw the fish again. The thing is, after this, every time I needed to take a piss, it felt like I was pissing on its grave.
As the years went by I had to buy it a bigger tank as it started to get a lot bigger. It also has to be noted that this fish was no ordinary gold fish. I was convinced it was the reincarnation of something evil. It would often jump out of the water of his tank like a dolphin and splash back into the tank which would cause water to go everywhere. It's most intelligent trick though was using the little pebbles at the bottom of the tank. It'd put them in its mouth and tap on the glass as I slept, often waking me up. I am partly convinced that it was trying to communicate through morse code. So as you can see, this was no ordinary gold fish, and there is no way it only had a five second memory.
So after ten years the fish was still alive and I was getting damn annoyed by the morse code messages and splashing, so I decided to move it into the spare room. Unfortunately as I didn't see the fish each morning to feed it, I forgot to feed it. I think it was quite possibly a week before I suddenly remembered. When I got to the tank in the spare room, I was quite shocked by what I saw.
The fish was lying on the bottom of the tank, curled up, I was fairly sure it was dead. I got a pencil and tried to nudge it, and it moved a tiny bit. I'm not sure if it was good that it was half alive. I tried putting in food and tried to get it to eat some, but it wouldn't. After five minutes, and realising it must have been in a lot of pain and discomfort, I did the only thing I could. I fished it out and put it into the toilet.
Before I flushed it, I saw its eyes staring up at me, for the first time in its life looking sweet and innocent. I flushed the toilet and never saw the fish again. The thing is, after this, every time I needed to take a piss, it felt like I was pissing on its grave.
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