We've never been a family to have had many pets. There was of course the fish which I accidently killed. Then there was also Tigger the cat, but she had to be given to my Grandma a couple of years after I was born, as Mum became allergic to her.
The only other pet we had was a Hamster we named Toffee due to being a toffee like colour. Toffee was a great pet who was easy to look after. We were often unsure of the sex, but after noticing two large lumps on his back one day, we took him to the vet. That was when we realised they were just his testicles and there was nothing wrong with him.
Toffee did live quite a long life for a hamster, I think it was a good three to four years. I have to admit that I was useless at handling him, I'm useless with animals and always worried he'd bite me. Howeve I don't think he ever bit anyone, he was a very nervous hamster and just wee'd all the time.
We got him one of those hamster balls so that he could walk around the house in it. The problem was that he was shit scared of it. Whenever we tried to put him in it, he'd shake uncontrollably and wee himself.
I don't think Toffee ever really got the hang of the wheel in his cage either. He wouldn't sit inside it and then run, he would climb up the side of the cage, hang on and spin the top of the wheel with his front paw. It was pretty damn impressive to watch.
I'll always remember the day that Toffee died. It was on a Christmas Eve. Charlottes web was on tv, and I'd gone to feed Toffee and change his water. I knew instantly he was dead, I'm not sure why I knew, but I just had a feeling. A few hours later Mum thought it was odd that he'd not made any noise, and his food hadn't been touched, that's when we knew for sure he was dead.
So, being winter and very cold and frozen outside, Dad got a pick axe out to dig a hole for Toffee and then burried him. Mum was in floods of tears and really upset over Toffee dying. Claire and myself, we weren't really all that bothered which I think really annoyed Mum, I think she felt we should have been more upset. We were then banned from having any more pets.
Sunday 27 March 2011
Monday 21 March 2011
Spike spends time in a shed
As I hated secondary school so much, I'd often skive quite a lot. Now this wasn't an easy task as our form tutor was quite strict when it came to absence, and a note from a parent was always needed after returning to school.
Well, when I was actually ill, or feigned being ill, my mum would of course write me a note. Quite often she would write one, but then the next day I'd still be unwell, so she'd then write me another to explain why I'd be absent for more than one day. When this happened, I'd keep the first note hidden in a drawer so that I could use it at a later date.
So over the years I aquired several spare notes which I'd use to explain my absense when I had skived school. There was however one other problem. Sometimes my mum would pop home from work at lunchtimes to drop off some shopping or hang out some washing. Therefore it wasn't safe for me to stay inside the house all day, so I needed to find somewhere to hide during lunch hours.
The best place I could think of was the garden shed, although there was still a worry she'd spot the door unlocked if she was hanging out washing. So I figured out a way to get into the shed with the door still locked.
I'd unlock the door, walk inside the shed and open the side window. Then I'd come back out of the shed, lock the door and then climb through the tiny window into the shed. I'd then sit in there between 12pm and 2pm until I knew it was safe to climb back out of the window and go back into the house.
I didn't really do anything in the shed, I just used to sit there thinking, and it was often quite uncomfortable and sometimes cold depending on the time of year. I guess this sorta shows how much I hated school, that I'd be prepared to sit in a shed for two hours.
Anyway it always worked a treat and I was never discovered.
Well, when I was actually ill, or feigned being ill, my mum would of course write me a note. Quite often she would write one, but then the next day I'd still be unwell, so she'd then write me another to explain why I'd be absent for more than one day. When this happened, I'd keep the first note hidden in a drawer so that I could use it at a later date.
So over the years I aquired several spare notes which I'd use to explain my absense when I had skived school. There was however one other problem. Sometimes my mum would pop home from work at lunchtimes to drop off some shopping or hang out some washing. Therefore it wasn't safe for me to stay inside the house all day, so I needed to find somewhere to hide during lunch hours.
The best place I could think of was the garden shed, although there was still a worry she'd spot the door unlocked if she was hanging out washing. So I figured out a way to get into the shed with the door still locked.
I'd unlock the door, walk inside the shed and open the side window. Then I'd come back out of the shed, lock the door and then climb through the tiny window into the shed. I'd then sit in there between 12pm and 2pm until I knew it was safe to climb back out of the window and go back into the house.
I didn't really do anything in the shed, I just used to sit there thinking, and it was often quite uncomfortable and sometimes cold depending on the time of year. I guess this sorta shows how much I hated school, that I'd be prepared to sit in a shed for two hours.
Anyway it always worked a treat and I was never discovered.
Sunday 20 March 2011
Spike and a rainy day
I have lots of memories of my childhood. At a guess I'd say my earliest memories are from around the age of three years of age when I used to go to a mothers and todlers group along with Dave. I do also have memories of being pushed in a buggy, but I'm not sure how old I was then.
Anyway, there is one random memory that has stuck with me, and it surprises me that it's stuck with me, as it was just a random day where nothing all that important happened.
I'd guess I was about five at the time, but it's a memory I do enjoy looking back on from time to time, as it makes me wish I was a kid again.
Claire and myself were normally looked after by childminders after school, due to Mum and Dad both working full time, but on this day Mum had the day off.
It was pooring down with rain and we were in the town centre where we'd met up with Debra. I remember we were all soaking wet and running through puddles to get to shelter.
Mum then took me into the toy shop we always used to go to and said I could have a Star Wars toy. The figures used to be lined up above the counter, and I looked at them trying to decide which one to pick. I almost picked a green pig guard, which I'd always wanted, but then I spotted Darth Vader, so I remember saying 'I want the black one'. I don't think I was too sure how to pronounce his name at the time.
The old man working in the shop got it down for me and Mum paid him.
We then left the shop, said goodbye to Debra and made our way home.
When we got in, we took off our socks which were soaking wet and put them infront of the fire to dry them. This all happened while watching the Sooty show on TV.
That's all the memory, but I remember quite a few details from the day. I think mainly because it was a good day, as Mum had the day off and I got a Darth Vader figure. Also I remember how snug I felt when we got home warming ourselves by the fire. It's like the feeling you get when you hear the rain on the window and you're inside safe and dry.
Anyway, there is one random memory that has stuck with me, and it surprises me that it's stuck with me, as it was just a random day where nothing all that important happened.
I'd guess I was about five at the time, but it's a memory I do enjoy looking back on from time to time, as it makes me wish I was a kid again.
Claire and myself were normally looked after by childminders after school, due to Mum and Dad both working full time, but on this day Mum had the day off.
It was pooring down with rain and we were in the town centre where we'd met up with Debra. I remember we were all soaking wet and running through puddles to get to shelter.
Mum then took me into the toy shop we always used to go to and said I could have a Star Wars toy. The figures used to be lined up above the counter, and I looked at them trying to decide which one to pick. I almost picked a green pig guard, which I'd always wanted, but then I spotted Darth Vader, so I remember saying 'I want the black one'. I don't think I was too sure how to pronounce his name at the time.
The old man working in the shop got it down for me and Mum paid him.
We then left the shop, said goodbye to Debra and made our way home.
When we got in, we took off our socks which were soaking wet and put them infront of the fire to dry them. This all happened while watching the Sooty show on TV.
That's all the memory, but I remember quite a few details from the day. I think mainly because it was a good day, as Mum had the day off and I got a Darth Vader figure. Also I remember how snug I felt when we got home warming ourselves by the fire. It's like the feeling you get when you hear the rain on the window and you're inside safe and dry.
Wednesday 16 March 2011
Spike and the urinating tree
I believe that I was in the second year of junior school when we took a school trip to a local church. We went there to do rubbings of grave stones with paper and a wax crayon. Thinking about it now, it was quite a morbid activity for eight year olds, especially as some of the graves weren't all that old.
To this day I can still not explain exactly what caused it, but at the time I believed that it was a squirrel taking a piss.
Basically, there was a tree outside the church, and a few of us noticed that water started to come out of a hole in the middle of tree. I think even if I saw the same thing happen at the age I am now I'd be amazed. The water wasn't drizzling out, but squirting out quite far. Then it stopped.
We then found some small stones and began throwing them into the hole, and once again the water started squirting out. We were convinced that it was a squirrel in the hole, and when we threw a stone, it'd wee. I honestly don't think it was a squirrel now, but I have no idea how a jet of water could squirt out of the tree the way it did. I just remember being in hysterics at the time, as well as befuddlesd.
I have passed the tree many times since, and have thrown stones into the hole, but unfortunatly the squirrel who was taking a piss must have moved trees.
To this day I can still not explain exactly what caused it, but at the time I believed that it was a squirrel taking a piss.
Basically, there was a tree outside the church, and a few of us noticed that water started to come out of a hole in the middle of tree. I think even if I saw the same thing happen at the age I am now I'd be amazed. The water wasn't drizzling out, but squirting out quite far. Then it stopped.
We then found some small stones and began throwing them into the hole, and once again the water started squirting out. We were convinced that it was a squirrel in the hole, and when we threw a stone, it'd wee. I honestly don't think it was a squirrel now, but I have no idea how a jet of water could squirt out of the tree the way it did. I just remember being in hysterics at the time, as well as befuddlesd.
I have passed the tree many times since, and have thrown stones into the hole, but unfortunatly the squirrel who was taking a piss must have moved trees.
Monday 14 March 2011
Spike is caught red handed
I imagine most people reading this won't find this very funny. I guess it was a case of having to have been there to appreciate the funnyness of this story.
I was in my third year of junior school and being taught by Mrs Taylor at the time, who was actually kinda hot. Anyway, we were doing some sort of art activity, possibly painting a poster or something, but it really wasn't all that interesting.
Dave was sat next to me and he was always a bad influence on me, and I'm fairly sure it was him who started it, but we began to paint our hands red with the paint. We must have been at it for a good ten minutes and each of us had a hand totally painted red. Mrs taylor then came over and began to shout at us, which made all the rest of the class look round to see what we'd been up to.
A fellow class mate then shouted out 'I guess you could say you've caught them red handed!'. This then lead to much laughter from the rest of the class and Mrs Taylor herself. We were then told to go into the toilets to wash it off and get back to work.
I'm not entirely sure how to end this post as the story is very short and I can't think of any sort of witty line to end it with.
I was in my third year of junior school and being taught by Mrs Taylor at the time, who was actually kinda hot. Anyway, we were doing some sort of art activity, possibly painting a poster or something, but it really wasn't all that interesting.
Dave was sat next to me and he was always a bad influence on me, and I'm fairly sure it was him who started it, but we began to paint our hands red with the paint. We must have been at it for a good ten minutes and each of us had a hand totally painted red. Mrs taylor then came over and began to shout at us, which made all the rest of the class look round to see what we'd been up to.
A fellow class mate then shouted out 'I guess you could say you've caught them red handed!'. This then lead to much laughter from the rest of the class and Mrs Taylor herself. We were then told to go into the toilets to wash it off and get back to work.
I'm not entirely sure how to end this post as the story is very short and I can't think of any sort of witty line to end it with.
Friday 11 March 2011
Spikes memorable dates
I've not really been on that many dates with women, but the ones I have been on have all been fairly memorable. So I thought I'd list a few of my memorable first dates on here and what happened on them.
Obviously there was the time I met up with crazy Emma, which I guess could be classed as a date even though I took her to Pages Bar along with my mates. But I have already covered that story in an earlier entry.
Most of my dates used to be from chatting to someone online first. One girl I met up with in London one weekend. I honestly don't remember her name name, but so that I can describe the events better we'll call her 'Gertrude'.
As I love Hyde Park so much and it was summer, I decided to take Gertrude to Hyde Park, but this was a very very hot day. I don't think she was all that amazed by the park so I suggested a nearby pub we could go to. The thing is, I'm used to walking a lot and this pub was a good fifteen minutes walk. We walked across the park to the pub and I could see she wasn't used to walking very far as I remember she kept asking how much further it was.
We finally got to the pub, I bought her a drink and we found a nice secluded booth to sit and chat in. After about ten minutes she said she wasn't feeling too well, and I was thinking 'typical, she's not enjoying my company and is going to feign being ill so she can escape.'.
She then asked where the toilets were, and I directed her to them. Then a few minutes later she came back, pretty much fainted and puked all over the table. It definitely wasn't the alcohol as she'd only had a few sips of it, so it must have been the walking and the heat. Anyway I then made sure she was ok, got her some water and got her to lay down on the seat in the booth while I got a cloth and cleaned up the puke.
Surprisingly the date went really well after that. She continued laying down to recover and we chatted and seemed to get on really well. After leaving the pub we went back to the park and we kissed a lot, which is pretty gross thinking about it now as she probably still had remains of puke stuck to her teeth.
I met up with her again a couple of times afterwards, but there really wasn't anything there, so we then just lost touch.
The first girl I met off the internet was a girl called Sarah. She never had a picture but described herself as slim, dark hair and very sexy, so I thought I was in for meeting up with a definite stunner.
As it was my first date with someone from the internet I took Trigger along with me, and she invited a friend of hers.
We'd arranged to meet by Tottenham Court Road tube station, and I remember my horror when I saw her. She was far from slim and sexy, but she'd seen me and I couldn't back out.
It was Trigger who chatted to her first as I was shit scared, but I did try to make a bit of an effort. She suggested heading to The Intrepid Fox, the original one on Wardour St which I never liked, I much prefer the new one under Centre Point.
Anyway as well as feeling quite uncomfortable in this pub, Trigger and myself were stuck with two scary women. I was half expecting Sarahs head to spin around 360 degrees like in The Exorcist and to tell my mother sucks cocks in hell. She also claimed she'd slept with Marilyn Manson, which I'm not entirely sure I believe. Anyway I knew we had to get out of there, so Trigger pretended he wasn't feeling too well and we left.
I then tried to avoid contacting her, but I started receiving withheld phonecalls from a girl in a croaky evil style voice saying 'I'm going to kill you'. I'm positive it was her.
The last time I heard from her she told me she was in The Red Lion in Stevenage (which scared me as I go there a lot), and was definitely going to pull a guy called Colin who drinks there. Well the odd thing is that Colin is pretty much my brother in law, so she really was full of it.
Faith was an interesting first date. I remember meeting her straight after work and took her to Ben Crouch's. I had intended to get my last train home that night as I had work the next day, but the date went well. We ended up staying out for hours, and then going to O'Neils until kicking out time. After that we wandered the streets of London then tried to sneak into Hyde Park but were worried we'd be caught by the night patrol men in there.
We eventually ended up in Knightsbridge about 4am and were both quite horny, so I suggested going back to my place. We flagged down a cab and he said it'd be at least £100 back to Stevenage. However as I'm 'Spike', I talked him down and he agreed to only charging us £50, to which Faith paid most of the money, bonus!
I met up with her a couple of times after that, but yet again it didn't really go anywhere. But I still love the fact that I have been with a girl named Faith.
There have been other dates I could list, but they are a bit boring, and some I'm not sure could really be classed as dates as they have been more a case of inviting a girl out to some event where my mates are also at. As well as Crazy Emma, there was Boring Emma, but as the name suggests there isn't much I can write about her.
On the whole I think the worst date was with Psycho Sarah, but all my other first dates always seem to go pretty well, its the follow up dates which seem to bomb, I'm just never sure why. Hopefully the next girl I get to take out will be different. Watch this space!
Obviously there was the time I met up with crazy Emma, which I guess could be classed as a date even though I took her to Pages Bar along with my mates. But I have already covered that story in an earlier entry.
Most of my dates used to be from chatting to someone online first. One girl I met up with in London one weekend. I honestly don't remember her name name, but so that I can describe the events better we'll call her 'Gertrude'.
As I love Hyde Park so much and it was summer, I decided to take Gertrude to Hyde Park, but this was a very very hot day. I don't think she was all that amazed by the park so I suggested a nearby pub we could go to. The thing is, I'm used to walking a lot and this pub was a good fifteen minutes walk. We walked across the park to the pub and I could see she wasn't used to walking very far as I remember she kept asking how much further it was.
We finally got to the pub, I bought her a drink and we found a nice secluded booth to sit and chat in. After about ten minutes she said she wasn't feeling too well, and I was thinking 'typical, she's not enjoying my company and is going to feign being ill so she can escape.'.
She then asked where the toilets were, and I directed her to them. Then a few minutes later she came back, pretty much fainted and puked all over the table. It definitely wasn't the alcohol as she'd only had a few sips of it, so it must have been the walking and the heat. Anyway I then made sure she was ok, got her some water and got her to lay down on the seat in the booth while I got a cloth and cleaned up the puke.
Surprisingly the date went really well after that. She continued laying down to recover and we chatted and seemed to get on really well. After leaving the pub we went back to the park and we kissed a lot, which is pretty gross thinking about it now as she probably still had remains of puke stuck to her teeth.
I met up with her again a couple of times afterwards, but there really wasn't anything there, so we then just lost touch.
The first girl I met off the internet was a girl called Sarah. She never had a picture but described herself as slim, dark hair and very sexy, so I thought I was in for meeting up with a definite stunner.
As it was my first date with someone from the internet I took Trigger along with me, and she invited a friend of hers.
We'd arranged to meet by Tottenham Court Road tube station, and I remember my horror when I saw her. She was far from slim and sexy, but she'd seen me and I couldn't back out.
It was Trigger who chatted to her first as I was shit scared, but I did try to make a bit of an effort. She suggested heading to The Intrepid Fox, the original one on Wardour St which I never liked, I much prefer the new one under Centre Point.
Anyway as well as feeling quite uncomfortable in this pub, Trigger and myself were stuck with two scary women. I was half expecting Sarahs head to spin around 360 degrees like in The Exorcist and to tell my mother sucks cocks in hell. She also claimed she'd slept with Marilyn Manson, which I'm not entirely sure I believe. Anyway I knew we had to get out of there, so Trigger pretended he wasn't feeling too well and we left.
I then tried to avoid contacting her, but I started receiving withheld phonecalls from a girl in a croaky evil style voice saying 'I'm going to kill you'. I'm positive it was her.
The last time I heard from her she told me she was in The Red Lion in Stevenage (which scared me as I go there a lot), and was definitely going to pull a guy called Colin who drinks there. Well the odd thing is that Colin is pretty much my brother in law, so she really was full of it.
Faith was an interesting first date. I remember meeting her straight after work and took her to Ben Crouch's. I had intended to get my last train home that night as I had work the next day, but the date went well. We ended up staying out for hours, and then going to O'Neils until kicking out time. After that we wandered the streets of London then tried to sneak into Hyde Park but were worried we'd be caught by the night patrol men in there.
We eventually ended up in Knightsbridge about 4am and were both quite horny, so I suggested going back to my place. We flagged down a cab and he said it'd be at least £100 back to Stevenage. However as I'm 'Spike', I talked him down and he agreed to only charging us £50, to which Faith paid most of the money, bonus!
I met up with her a couple of times after that, but yet again it didn't really go anywhere. But I still love the fact that I have been with a girl named Faith.
There have been other dates I could list, but they are a bit boring, and some I'm not sure could really be classed as dates as they have been more a case of inviting a girl out to some event where my mates are also at. As well as Crazy Emma, there was Boring Emma, but as the name suggests there isn't much I can write about her.
On the whole I think the worst date was with Psycho Sarah, but all my other first dates always seem to go pretty well, its the follow up dates which seem to bomb, I'm just never sure why. Hopefully the next girl I get to take out will be different. Watch this space!
Thursday 10 March 2011
Spikes most stupid mistake
I have done a lot of stupid things in my life. Some on purpose which I have then regretted, and some without realising. The most stupid thing was a few years ago, and I don't think that I could possibly do anything more stupid in the future. I find it a bit easier to talk about now, but still prefer the avoid it being mentioned. I am including it in here as it was something that had a big effect on my life, for bad and actually some good too.
I was going out with a girl called Nicola. When I say going out, this seemed to change daily. One minute we were, then we weren't, and it messed up my head a lot.
I remember that she'd call it off one day, then the next day start talking about having kids with me, which really was quite a head fuck, especially as I had fallen in love with her. I don't know why the hell I fell for her, as we didn't have a great deal in common, also we were very different people. I also don't think she intentionally meant to mess up my head, but she did, and it hurt a lot too. My heart was quite a mess, one minute it felt amazing knowing I was with her, the next it was torn to pieces when it seemed as if she didn't want to be.
After a while it got a bit too much, so on a Monday afternoon I went into the medicine cabinet and overdosed on Anadin Extra. I honestly can't remember how many I took now, but it was over ten and under 20, which I found out later really doesn't have much of an effect.
I'd also written out some letters. One for my family, which I also included contact numbers to contact my friends for the funeral. Then I also wrote a letter to Nicola. It's still very hard to explain why I took the tablets and also went to the extent of writing the letters. Did I want to die? I honestly don't think so, and I think I knew I wouldn't, yet in my head I think I wanted to pretend I would. It was kind of as if I wasn't in my body at the time, as if it was someone else and I was just there watching.
I don't think it was an attention thing as such, but more so it would hurt Nicola, which does sound pretty bad, but she hurt me a lot and I guess I wanted her to feel some pain. Still, I really wasn't myself, I'd definitely gone a bit mad in the head which definitely must have been from having had my head and heart completely messed up.
Anyway I called Nicola and told her what I'd done, which she was definitely freaked out by. I was then worried she'd call an ambulance or something, so I decided to leave the house and hide in the bus stop up the road. I was also quite shocked that the tablets hadn't made me fall asleep by this point.
Nicola then turned up in her car with her mum, so I ran over and gave her the letter and tried to walk off, but her mum got out of the car and came after me. She then said I should get in the car and they'd take me to the hospital. On the way I tried to call Claire, I didn't want to call mum or dad, but she was out decorating her new house before she moved in.
When we got to the hospital Nicola stayed in the car and also kept my phone incase Claire called back, then I went into A and E with her mum. That was the last time I ever saw Nicola, which I know isn't the best way to part ways with someone. I am glad I've not seen her since as I really wouldn't want to. I think it's fairly likely she's seen me around town at some point, but I am always in my own world and never notice people when out and about.
I felt very embarassed when I had to tell the receptionist I'd taken an overdose, but I do remember she seemed quite concerned. There was then quite a long silent wait while I sat waiting next to Nicolas mum, who I know wasn't very happy with what I'd done. She also went out once in a while to check on Nicola, who was apparently in quite a state, even more so after having read the letter.
I was then called in to see a phychiatrist to discuss what happened. I was open with him, and I told him how I felt very stupid, and also about Nicola. He said that I definitely wasn't crazy and that it was just a cry for help, so I went and sat back down, but Nicolas mum wasn't there as she was checking on Nicola again.
Ten minutes after being sat there by myself (which I have to admit I didn't really enjoy being alone right then) I saw my mum running in looking around and looking worried sick. I called out to her and she came and sat with me. Nicolas mum had used my mobile to call her, and I was bloody glad that she was there. However she was worried sick, not just at the time but for weeks, even months afterwards. I then got called in again and had to have a blood sample taken so they could see if the tablets had had any effect. when I came out Nicolas mum was back, so I got my phone back from her and she left. Then not long after that, Dad turned up, and he was certainly a lot better than Mum, he was a lot more calm and reassuring.
I was still wondering why I wasn't feeling sleepy yet, infact if anything I was buzzing from the tablets by now and wouldn't stop talking, telling them that I was ok.
A little bit later Claire turned up, and all four of us were sat there, and I guess that's when i realised how much my family do care for me. I certainly hadn't thought about the impact it'd have on them, and they were all quite worried.
I was finally called back in and told that my blood came back ok, and I was injected with a clear fluid, which i have no idea what it was, but am guessing it was just a precaution to make sure I was ok. I was also totally buzzing and hyper by that point. When I got home and checked the box for Anadin Extra, I noticed that they have caffeine in, which is why I didn't fall asleep and why I was buzzing so much.
I logged onto msn and told a few people what I'd done. It was good to talk to people about it, although I only told a couple to start with. It was a few weeks before most of my friends found out about it, and there seemed to be mixed reactions. Some people I expected would be great with it found it hard to know what to say, where as others I least expected to be good dealing with it were surprisingly better to talk to. A lot of people would try to change the conversation I think because they assumed that'd be the best thing to help me feel better. Yet what surprised me was Dave. He's my oldest mate, I've known him since I was 3 days old, but he's certainly not someone you'd assume would be great in that sort of situation. yet he asked me questions about it, which is what helped the most.
I think that most people were surprised, as they see me as happy and care free all the time. Anyway I learnt that I have a lot of true friends who do genuinely care about me, and they did help me get over things, although it did take time.
I think it was a good year if not two before I properly got over Nicola. I know I hurt her more than I've ever hurt anyone else, which I do still feel awful about, but I am hoping she's since forgiven me and pretty much forgotten me as I have her.
I still feel very silly for what I did, and I still feel embarrassed and quite guilty over it all. I did come out of it a slightly stronger person though, and I know I'll never do anything so stupid again.
I was going out with a girl called Nicola. When I say going out, this seemed to change daily. One minute we were, then we weren't, and it messed up my head a lot.
I remember that she'd call it off one day, then the next day start talking about having kids with me, which really was quite a head fuck, especially as I had fallen in love with her. I don't know why the hell I fell for her, as we didn't have a great deal in common, also we were very different people. I also don't think she intentionally meant to mess up my head, but she did, and it hurt a lot too. My heart was quite a mess, one minute it felt amazing knowing I was with her, the next it was torn to pieces when it seemed as if she didn't want to be.
After a while it got a bit too much, so on a Monday afternoon I went into the medicine cabinet and overdosed on Anadin Extra. I honestly can't remember how many I took now, but it was over ten and under 20, which I found out later really doesn't have much of an effect.
I'd also written out some letters. One for my family, which I also included contact numbers to contact my friends for the funeral. Then I also wrote a letter to Nicola. It's still very hard to explain why I took the tablets and also went to the extent of writing the letters. Did I want to die? I honestly don't think so, and I think I knew I wouldn't, yet in my head I think I wanted to pretend I would. It was kind of as if I wasn't in my body at the time, as if it was someone else and I was just there watching.
I don't think it was an attention thing as such, but more so it would hurt Nicola, which does sound pretty bad, but she hurt me a lot and I guess I wanted her to feel some pain. Still, I really wasn't myself, I'd definitely gone a bit mad in the head which definitely must have been from having had my head and heart completely messed up.
Anyway I called Nicola and told her what I'd done, which she was definitely freaked out by. I was then worried she'd call an ambulance or something, so I decided to leave the house and hide in the bus stop up the road. I was also quite shocked that the tablets hadn't made me fall asleep by this point.
Nicola then turned up in her car with her mum, so I ran over and gave her the letter and tried to walk off, but her mum got out of the car and came after me. She then said I should get in the car and they'd take me to the hospital. On the way I tried to call Claire, I didn't want to call mum or dad, but she was out decorating her new house before she moved in.
When we got to the hospital Nicola stayed in the car and also kept my phone incase Claire called back, then I went into A and E with her mum. That was the last time I ever saw Nicola, which I know isn't the best way to part ways with someone. I am glad I've not seen her since as I really wouldn't want to. I think it's fairly likely she's seen me around town at some point, but I am always in my own world and never notice people when out and about.
I felt very embarassed when I had to tell the receptionist I'd taken an overdose, but I do remember she seemed quite concerned. There was then quite a long silent wait while I sat waiting next to Nicolas mum, who I know wasn't very happy with what I'd done. She also went out once in a while to check on Nicola, who was apparently in quite a state, even more so after having read the letter.
I was then called in to see a phychiatrist to discuss what happened. I was open with him, and I told him how I felt very stupid, and also about Nicola. He said that I definitely wasn't crazy and that it was just a cry for help, so I went and sat back down, but Nicolas mum wasn't there as she was checking on Nicola again.
Ten minutes after being sat there by myself (which I have to admit I didn't really enjoy being alone right then) I saw my mum running in looking around and looking worried sick. I called out to her and she came and sat with me. Nicolas mum had used my mobile to call her, and I was bloody glad that she was there. However she was worried sick, not just at the time but for weeks, even months afterwards. I then got called in again and had to have a blood sample taken so they could see if the tablets had had any effect. when I came out Nicolas mum was back, so I got my phone back from her and she left. Then not long after that, Dad turned up, and he was certainly a lot better than Mum, he was a lot more calm and reassuring.
I was still wondering why I wasn't feeling sleepy yet, infact if anything I was buzzing from the tablets by now and wouldn't stop talking, telling them that I was ok.
A little bit later Claire turned up, and all four of us were sat there, and I guess that's when i realised how much my family do care for me. I certainly hadn't thought about the impact it'd have on them, and they were all quite worried.
I was finally called back in and told that my blood came back ok, and I was injected with a clear fluid, which i have no idea what it was, but am guessing it was just a precaution to make sure I was ok. I was also totally buzzing and hyper by that point. When I got home and checked the box for Anadin Extra, I noticed that they have caffeine in, which is why I didn't fall asleep and why I was buzzing so much.
I logged onto msn and told a few people what I'd done. It was good to talk to people about it, although I only told a couple to start with. It was a few weeks before most of my friends found out about it, and there seemed to be mixed reactions. Some people I expected would be great with it found it hard to know what to say, where as others I least expected to be good dealing with it were surprisingly better to talk to. A lot of people would try to change the conversation I think because they assumed that'd be the best thing to help me feel better. Yet what surprised me was Dave. He's my oldest mate, I've known him since I was 3 days old, but he's certainly not someone you'd assume would be great in that sort of situation. yet he asked me questions about it, which is what helped the most.
I think that most people were surprised, as they see me as happy and care free all the time. Anyway I learnt that I have a lot of true friends who do genuinely care about me, and they did help me get over things, although it did take time.
I think it was a good year if not two before I properly got over Nicola. I know I hurt her more than I've ever hurt anyone else, which I do still feel awful about, but I am hoping she's since forgiven me and pretty much forgotten me as I have her.
I still feel very silly for what I did, and I still feel embarrassed and quite guilty over it all. I did come out of it a slightly stronger person though, and I know I'll never do anything so stupid again.
Tuesday 8 March 2011
Spike and the balaclava
Not long after having enterted Junior school and when it was getting close to winter, my mum came home with a present for me. It was a blue balaclava. At the time I'd never heard of one, but she explained that if I wore it on my head that it'd keep me warm.
I think this was possibly one of the worst things that my mum could ever have bought for me as a child, as I got very attached to it. During the winter it kept me warm, however no other kids seemed to wear one. I looked like Kenny from South Park. The thing is though, as I had become quite attached to it, and as I also used to chew the part that went round my chin, I didn't want to stop wearing it.
Maybe it was a comfort thing, maybe it was also the fact that i felt a bit more mysterious and like a superhero, I'm not quite sure.
My fate was then sealed, I was then known as the odd child in the balaclava. I wore it all through the year, and when my first one had worn out, my mum bought me another one.
I wasn't picked on as such for wearing it, but all the other children certainly thought I was very odd, especially when wearing it in the summer.
After about two years I gradually wore it less and less, and eventually not at all. I have learnt one thing from this though. If I ever have children I am not going to buy them a balaclava.
I think this was possibly one of the worst things that my mum could ever have bought for me as a child, as I got very attached to it. During the winter it kept me warm, however no other kids seemed to wear one. I looked like Kenny from South Park. The thing is though, as I had become quite attached to it, and as I also used to chew the part that went round my chin, I didn't want to stop wearing it.
Maybe it was a comfort thing, maybe it was also the fact that i felt a bit more mysterious and like a superhero, I'm not quite sure.
My fate was then sealed, I was then known as the odd child in the balaclava. I wore it all through the year, and when my first one had worn out, my mum bought me another one.
I wasn't picked on as such for wearing it, but all the other children certainly thought I was very odd, especially when wearing it in the summer.
After about two years I gradually wore it less and less, and eventually not at all. I have learnt one thing from this though. If I ever have children I am not going to buy them a balaclava.
Tuesday 1 March 2011
Spikes most fun tube journey
I have been on many amusing journeys on the London underground. The majority I have been drunk on, and quite a lot have been on pub crawls. The journey I have found to be the funniest to date was a good few years ago and surprisingly wasn't a pub crawl.
It happened way back when I had only recently begun drinking at Nos nights in Pages Bar. I don't think I'd known Milky all that long at the time, but Sarah had bought him a cuddly toy cow (the cow from Cow and Chicken) because his name was Milky.
Milky decided to name the cow 'Moo', which I don't think he really put much thought into, yet he still loved the cow. Much fun was had with the cow in the pub and by the time a group of us had got on the tube back to Sarah's, the cow was losing stuffing and had a good few tears.
So when we first got on the tube Milky decided Moo needed CPR, which seemed to amuse many of our fellow passengers. We then burst into song (I am not sure what the song was as it was quite a long time ago), and whilst the rest of us were singing, Milky was introducing Moo to all the other passengers. Bear in mind that the tube was packed, and he got through lots of different people, getting them to shake Moo's udders and also join in singing. The only person not very happy was a punk who told Milky to 'FUCK OFF', but all the other passengers found it highly amusing and joined in with the singing.
I have never seen anything like it. On pub crawls we always sing on the tube, and sometimes we get strangers to join in singing. This was different, nearly all the tube carriage full of complete strangers were joining in singing with us, it was one of the funniest things I've ever been a part of.
The story does not end there though, everyone was so happy and relaxed that they failed to notice a girl who had been sat in the corner of the tube. She was one of the few who had not been singing, although she had been laughing at the antics. Then as tube stopped at Barons Court tube station, the girl stood up, ran passed Milky and grabbed Moo as she jumped off the train just in time before the doors closed.
The tube went dead silent, it took a good few seconds for everyone to realise what had happened. Poor Moo had been cowknapped, and unfortunately she was never seen again. Milky then fell to the floor and pretended to cry, much to the amusement of the other passengers. It was such a funny and odd tube journey that I'm not sure it'll ever be beaten.
Every once in a while I search ebay in the hope of finding the same toy, but I've had no luck. They do have other cuddly toys of it, but it's not quite the same as the one Milky had. I'd love to get hold of one one day to surprise him and see the delight on his face that Moo is not lost. However he'd probably know it wasn't the same one, but in that case I guess he could always call it Moo Two.
It happened way back when I had only recently begun drinking at Nos nights in Pages Bar. I don't think I'd known Milky all that long at the time, but Sarah had bought him a cuddly toy cow (the cow from Cow and Chicken) because his name was Milky.
Milky decided to name the cow 'Moo', which I don't think he really put much thought into, yet he still loved the cow. Much fun was had with the cow in the pub and by the time a group of us had got on the tube back to Sarah's, the cow was losing stuffing and had a good few tears.
So when we first got on the tube Milky decided Moo needed CPR, which seemed to amuse many of our fellow passengers. We then burst into song (I am not sure what the song was as it was quite a long time ago), and whilst the rest of us were singing, Milky was introducing Moo to all the other passengers. Bear in mind that the tube was packed, and he got through lots of different people, getting them to shake Moo's udders and also join in singing. The only person not very happy was a punk who told Milky to 'FUCK OFF', but all the other passengers found it highly amusing and joined in with the singing.
I have never seen anything like it. On pub crawls we always sing on the tube, and sometimes we get strangers to join in singing. This was different, nearly all the tube carriage full of complete strangers were joining in singing with us, it was one of the funniest things I've ever been a part of.
The story does not end there though, everyone was so happy and relaxed that they failed to notice a girl who had been sat in the corner of the tube. She was one of the few who had not been singing, although she had been laughing at the antics. Then as tube stopped at Barons Court tube station, the girl stood up, ran passed Milky and grabbed Moo as she jumped off the train just in time before the doors closed.
The tube went dead silent, it took a good few seconds for everyone to realise what had happened. Poor Moo had been cowknapped, and unfortunately she was never seen again. Milky then fell to the floor and pretended to cry, much to the amusement of the other passengers. It was such a funny and odd tube journey that I'm not sure it'll ever be beaten.
Every once in a while I search ebay in the hope of finding the same toy, but I've had no luck. They do have other cuddly toys of it, but it's not quite the same as the one Milky had. I'd love to get hold of one one day to surprise him and see the delight on his face that Moo is not lost. However he'd probably know it wasn't the same one, but in that case I guess he could always call it Moo Two.
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