Ok, so this title is a little misleading. I am not scared of parks. Hyde Park is one of my favourite places ever, and it's a place I don't go to as much as I used to and really should start doign so again. I suppose not having presents under the bench for quite some time has been what has stopped me going as often.
Anyway, I do often have some problems when walking through a park. I walk through a park every day on my way to work, and there are many things I have to overcome, especially at this time of year.
The least of my worries is getting mugged or attacked by chavs. A few years ago in daylight as I was walking home, I saw an ambulance arrive and rush over towards a crowd. It was a guy who had been stabbed after an attempted mugging. He died and there was a big thing about it in the papers for a while. This didn't make me any more worried about walkign across the park. I have several ways to prevent getting mugged. One is a technique by Derrin Brown, in which you have to start saying 'I had a pencil case at school which was shaped like a calculator but wasn't a real calculator. I had it confiscated, even thoguh the teacher knew it wasn't a real calculator'. Apparently it works all the time! I also have some wicked self defense moves, as well as cards I can throw at them and flash paper I can set off to temporarily blind them.
So, my next worry is a little more odd. Football. I hate football, and I can't play it. Yet at this time of the year, the park is full of people playing football as i walk to work and back home again. Now, the problem with this is, that something happens quite often as I walk past people kicking a ball about. For some unknown reason, (maybe I'm some sort of football magnet) the ball is often kicked far away from the players and straight into my direction. They say say something like 'Over here mate!'. I then know that no matter however i try to kick the ball to them, something will go wrong. Either I kick it, but not hard enough and it just looks pathertic, or even worse.... I kick it and am slightly pleased there was some power in it, until i realise it has gone in a totally different direction, and the players then have to run even further to get the ball than if I hadn't passed it to them. This happens on countless occasions. I have at times ignored the players and let them get the ball themselves, but then they just shout abuse at me, so I still find myself having to try to pass the ball back, which is always a cringe worthy experience.
So, my last problem is the obvious one. Dogs. Parks are full of dogs, and I often find myself taking a slightly longer route if I see a dog off a lead. Thankfully it's been some time since a dog has chased me or come up to me, but I still know that if they start to run, I will run, which will encourage them more. I will then look like a fool and no doubt have countless spectators laughing at me.
So, these are the main dangers I face each day trying to walk across what may seem like a harmless ordinary park.
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